Lost, hurt and scared ...

[MeMyselfandI]

Thanks Courageous. I just have such a hard time understanding how he can say the kids are the most important thing in the world to him ... yet not be able to put himself or ow aside for even one night to actually make his actions match his words!

[courageous wife]

It is hard to understand anything they do!!! My H has not spent one moment alone with his kids since he moved in with OW. MLCer's are very selfish!

[MeMyselfandI]

OK, I lost it and did some very bad dbing last night. Some texting went back and forth, initiated by me where I expressed that I knew H was trying to integrate ow into the kid's lives; however I was upset that he couldn't give our D her one special night. He indicated that he believes their impression has changed about ow and that they have discussed the issue at lenght this week. He then went on to say "if you knew all that she has done for our D this week and for her B-day you may change your mind."

Uggh ... I lost it. I said I wasn't going to have a discussion with a 20 year old about how to raise our D and the spewing just continued from there. I just want to scream. This kid has no responsibilities in the world, she doesn't own a vehicle, have a mortgage, nothing.

He goes on to say "i know this isn't easy for any of us" ... blah blah. Really, what about this isn't easy for him??? Does he really think that?

[MeMyselfandI]

This just keeps getting better. I just sent H a text to see if D was awake yet, (he does not have a house phone and our D always turns her cell off so I have to go through him to talk to her). So the texting begins.

H: seriously?
M: Yes seriously, I would lik to talk to her and her phone isn't on.
H: No, she is not awake yet, she read every slaying text that you decided to send me last night too. I'm sure that made her night.
M: this is my fault how??? Were there not 2 responsible adults in the house who could have prevented that?
H: No, OW did not stay over I woke up to D reading my phone at 3 am
M: And this is my fault how?
H: Never mind
M: That's what I thought.

I'm trying to wrap my head around how he can blame me for D reading the messages on his phone.

I think I need to get ready and go walk the track for a couple of hours before the kid's hockey games today. They have 2 tournament games today and I'll get the pleasure of having to be around H and OW for a few hours this afternoon. I need to get my PMA going 'cause this is gonna be hard! I need to rise above this and it is so hard.

[MeMyselfandI]

Well, another update as it's been a busy 24 hours! So, think I've recovered quite nicely from the bad dbing last night and this morning. H and I just had quite a long text exchange and we touched on many issues. It appears that D is now ok with OW and they have had many discussions this week in that regard. Also appears that D asked ow to come to her party so I apologized for my take on things and indicated that I had thought that it was about his happiness and not D's. I also indicated that I have no problems with H and OW but that I worry about the kids .... which is what moms do.

Anyway, we had some really good exchanges and got off on many different topics. All outcomes were positive and there was lots of joking. I am now going to the hockey rink with PMA, "as if" and I'm going to enjoy watching my kids! Will update later.

[courageous wife]

Sounds like you recovered yourself ok from the earlier exchange with your H FSA.

[MeMyselfandI]

Thanks Courageous, yes, I think I did ok. Went to both the kid's hockey games and that went well also. I guess I have a hard time with understanding what they are thinking by introducing the OW to kids. To me, unless this is someone who is going to be in the kid's lives for the long haul, I wouldn't do it but I guess this is the "normalizing" thing everyone talks about. It is just very hard to have OW honing in on our kids; however, I need to keep in mind that they are "our kids", I do still have a relationship with H because of that and that is something she can not take away, regardless. This is one area where he is being very cautious as the kids really do mean the world to both him and I.

I thought about it last night at the second game, when our S got hurt and both H & I went down to the dressing room to check on him. She was left, sitting in the stands, all by herself and must have felt a little out of place. I'm sure things like this will start to wear on her eventually and I will just need to continue to raise above all of it and watch the rollercoaster from my seat floating above it all.

My boarder came with me to the hockey game last night ... he is 26 and works with me and is like a big brother to our kids. He made me laugh a few times. First, when he saw OW, he said, wow, she's not very cute ... and went on to say, if there were a group of girls standing in a bar, she'd be the one I wouldn't buy a drink for. Then, when H came walking out, he was wearing these awful jeans, you know, the ones with the fake fraying all over them that the "kids" are all wearing these days. My boarder says, wow, he really shouldn't be wearing those. How old is he? I giggled as I thought MLC! It's funny how people around them can see right through all of this.

[MeMyselfandI]

Feeling like I'm getting back on track, both figuratively and literally. Kid's first hockey game this morning was very exciting. They were down 4-0 and came back to win the game 7-5. OW wasn't at this morning's game. S got hurt again and coach wasn't gonna let him back on the ice. H & I both went to the dressing room again to check on him and it turned out, he was ok just a little shaken up so we gave the coach the go-ahead to put him back in the game. S leaves everything on the ice which is probably why he gets hurt so much.

So, the kids were on to the gold medal game (against a much stronger team) this afternoon. I went walking the track and did 10kms in between their games. Went back to the arena for the gold medal game. OW was there and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she came in the dressing room, (H and I were standing with S talking) and she quickly turned on her heels and went back out of the room.

D had gotten a mouse for her birthday from one of her friends and H started joking with me that he had a mouse for my house. I laughed and said, um, not happening ... he said, D said she wants to take it to your house ... and D piped up and said no I didn't say that. Some of the other parents were listening to the joking back and forth and of course, everyone cracked up when D opened her mouth.

They lost their game, as expected this afternoon but still got silver medals and they certainly should be proud of what they accomplished. The play up a division so they are playing against kids that are two years older than them and usually twice their size.

After the hockey game, I didn't realize it but they had soccer so I went over to watch and walked another 5 kms. H was there, OW wasn't (I've never seen her attend their soccer). I noticed him looking up many times.

One thing that was kind of bothersome today was S after his first hockey game. He had said to me, so do I get to go with you now? I had to tell him no, that he was with Daddy for another week. He almost looked like he was gonna cry and when I asked him what was wrong, his eyes did start welling up with tears and he just shook his head and said nothing. I'm a little worried about him because he is not an emotional kid at all and usually nothing bothers him so it kind of took me by surprise. I'll be keeping a close eye on him.

[courageous wife]

Sounds like some positive interractions with your H!

Do you think that your S was maybe a little upset from his earlier injury from the game and wanting to go home with MOM?

It wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on him and see if he continues to be more emotional!

[MeMyselfandI]

Thanks Courageous, yes defintely positive and light hearted which was nice. I would suspect a big load has been lifted off of him now that the OW thing is out in the open and I have been good about it. He has always thought of me as being a very jealous type so it's a huge 180 for me as well. Who knows, maybe taking some of the wind out of his sails too... in fact, maybe both of them because I'm sure he's told her that I'm crazy jealous and they will need to be ready for a fight when I find out so my reactions has likely totally blown them away. I may be just faking it till I make it right now but I'm really not sure. I think I have actually realized deep down that he needs to go down this path with OW to find out about himself. I'm just so worried that the kids are going to get hurt in the process but I'll be there for them to pick up whatever shattered pieces need picking up.

As for S, I really don't know. It certainly didn't seem like the injury was bothering him ... it seemed to be much more deep to me. As I said, he doesn't really express emotion much, for example, a few years ago, we had to put down one of our dogs. Both kids adored this dog tremendously and he had been around since they were born. S didn't express any emotion about it at all. He just went on about his business while the rest of us mourned deeply for days. I'm afraid that he is bottling things up and it scares me that one day, he is just going to blow. The look in his eyes today is what really shook me.

I think I'll try to pick him up at school for lunch one day this week and take him on a special "mommy lunch" and see how he's doing.