Gonna jump in here with my 2 cents for you 2 steps. After reading and re-reading this entire thread, the one thing that keeps on jumping out at me is FoundnBrave's insistence upon making a list of things that are telling you when she's turning.
Honestly I'm still wrestling with this idea as well, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense.
My wife needs a man who is confident and decisive, especially when she is not. Seeing validation of things I am doing well gives me confidence.
And I need to feel confident FOR ME regardless of what she does or does not do. I need to have feelings that I really do have a significant measure of control in this situation, rather than seeing myself as powerless.
I may elaborate on FnB's suggestion in my own thread, but as an example:
I know my wife is turning:
Anytime she initiates conversation Anytime she delays sending me the papers Anytime she agrees to go to counseling Anytime she shows genuine interest in hearing my point of view Anytime she encourages me in any way Anytime she speaks to me from that part of her heart that knows she doesn't want to leave (not 100% clear on how to recognize that, I'm just keeping myself aware of it)
Hope that helps.
Note to LnS / FnB. With your posts you have given me so many gifts that I would like to offer you something in return:
I refuse to see you as a victim.
One thing I have learned is that there is nothing more compelling for people than to be consistent with the way that they define themselves.
What has to happen for you to no longer be Lost and Scared?
Who is the person BEYOND that fearful old identity? That's the attractive woman that I would rather know about.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
insistence upon making a list of things that are telling you when she's turning.
