Hey D4ML, thanks for asking. It's been a while since I posted. I have been doing a lot of lurking on the Midlife Crisis board. I don't really feel I fit in on this forum yet, as most people here are completely done. I sooo envy them!!
There seem to be quite a few people who are in the middle of the D process over there, and they also are the complete experts at thought stopping and patience.lol.
I have had to work really hard at thought stopping. I thought I was pretty good at it from the last time I was here, and in general being a pretty positive person. But I definitely have more work to do--I can go ON AND ON in my head about how H is going to plot to get me and ruin me. Course, it doesn't help that he didn't pay the mortgage for a few weeks there. Finally at the beginning of Feb I learned he did pay it, and he paid up February as well.
There is still a no-contact order for him--the ultimate in going dark huh!...but it is a technique I never tried before and so of course now I still want to monitor results.lol. I am curious if I will see ? regret ? hatred or ?? not sure? in his face the next time I see him. Then the other side tells me I'll probably see the worst expression of all--sheer indifference--the next time. Ugh.
So I've been without contact for 5 weeks now. I have heard it will be lifted after he completes the court-mandated therapy he'll probably get, this being his first offense. I have been looking into schools (I am eligible for assistance with some of my fees through the "displaced homemaker's fund"!) and taking care of my S 15 and looking forward to taking a volunteer hospice class next weekend. Then I will do a CNA class in March and a good friend of mine seems to feel she can get me hired in her dept. Which would be awesome!
I ultimately want to get my RN, but I want to be finished with the D before I start, as my grades have to be excellent and I don't want any distractions.
I still do a lot with friends and have made a few changes to the house--got rid of lots of stuff and bought a really cute reclining loveseat off Craig's list for an absolute steal. I actually have a living room I'm becoming proud of!
I had S get his dad a box of chocolates and a card for Vday. I will never tire of being the better person.lol.
This prompted a funny conversation with my S.
Me: Life is a box of chocolates--just like Forrest Gump says--you never know what you're going to get!
S: Mom, I know EXACTLY what I'm going to get, because I read the descriptions on the top of the lid!
Me: oh yeah--gone are the days of the half-bitten chocolates, or yelling "yuck! I got the orange cream!". Your kids aren't even going to know what that saying means!lol.
