Is the tide turning???????

[goodattitudegirl]

Rejoicing this morning because it was 36°F here when I woke up. YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!! The weather forecasters are saying we're done with the ultra-cold temperatures this winter. Yeah!!

Yesterday I went to a new French cooking class taught by a woman in my neighborhood who also teaches at the cooking schools around town. About 12 of us were squeezed into her kitchen, all cooking together and it felt just like cooking a large meal with relatives. VERY warm, fuzzy, and nice! It reminded me of that movie "The Jane Austin Book Club" (EXCELLENT movie BTW --- perfect for us LBSs). Afterward, we all sat down around the dining room table and ate the feast we'd prepared. I am in LOVE with the fougasse aux l'oignon. It is "to die for". If anyone (MHL? how are you at making bread???? ) wants the recipe, I will post it.

I've finally made a decision about my tree. After interviewing 6 arborists/tree services I've decided to save the tree. Guess I'm just not good at throwing things away. The arborist is going to pull out all the stops to save it and make it safe. It will cost more than I expected so I will be tightening my belt to pay for it. This is one of the times that I miss H/XH. Seems like the house always needs some kind of repair and those are easier to face WITH someone.

Thank you CW, Seeking, Antonia, Missher, Cas, and Mila for stopping by to debrief with me after last week's TT game. Journaling really helps me to think about what has happened and as the ideas you put forward roll around in my head, sometimes my thoughts about them change.

You know, what I think is really important about all your interactions for you and everyone else is that this is really like building a relationship from the ground up.

I think that to some extent a lot of us visualize that if they could just "come back" things would be ok, but in actuality, if they do start to make overtures as far as coming back, it isn't automatic. It involves building things from the first block onward. So I think your posts are very helpful as far as a reality check.

I think what you are doing with Mr. GAG is good, though, because building something with so much "work" under the bridge is really good/lasting, I'd think.

Antonia, I absolutely LOVED your post! Thank you for writing this! The possibility that I might be slowly building a foundation for a future R with XH had been rumbling around my head but you put it into words so much better than I could have. Thank you...........I think that this could be a very important point in my situation with XH because when we first met we had been dating others online and were so thrilled to meet someone who held so many of the qualities that we both had been looking for, that we jumped in very quickly. There was courting, but not the kind of slow, let's get to know one another courting that gives one the time to think before they give their heart away.........It's possible that we could experience that this time? I don't know....but last time XH swept me off my feet and I followed but didn't put in a lot of effort other than trying to keep up. This time I feel more responsibility to woo him by thinking of fun things to do, novel places to go, thoughtful things to do for his family (ala Daniel Amen's recommendations in "Your Brain in Love").

Missher, I am so sorry about your D being finalized on friday. Please be good to yourself and know that many of us are thinking about you......If you need anything, please let us know.

I love the fact that Mr. GAG initiated the restaurant...this is creating a wonderful little habit to follow up after your weekly TT.

Cas, yes, it really seemed as though he had forgotten that I told him last week he needed to take me out for drinks and that he was actually asking me out for drinks himself. That must mean that he is enjoying our little outings........Now I need to look for other fun events that I can suggest we go to..........Oh, and BTW, I am very envious of your locale near the beach.

Look at where you are....from not talking at all to an occasional game of TT, that became regular games of TT, followed by going to restaurants together, now H is opening up and talking about himself and you are a big part of his family. If you weren't divorced I would say that you are in early stages of dating.

Mila, as always I really appreciate your perspective. I think you've summed it up nicely. The first warm, friendly contact came about 5 months post-D. Two months later (last June) was our first TT game (he was doing me a "favor" by practicing with me). Here we are 8 months later.........

In case folks missed it Holly06 posted this on 4peace's thread this morning. It described what I think has been happening in my situation with XH.

Your H is acting on hurt. He is blaming you, when the hurt he is feeling is from him. OW seems like a life raft. He doesn't feel the guilt and hurt w her.
Fast forward to the inevitable.
Some day, when you are nicely detached, in your new "happy" place, he will notice and want what you have.
Someday, when OW is firmly entrenched in his life, when he feels guilty about wanting YOU, she will get the blame and names, and she will not have provoked it either. She will handle it incorrectly, and that will distroy the R, over time. He will contrast how she is handling it, to how you are handling it, and she will come up short.

GAG