Namecalling

[Holly06]

4
I do better when I understand the reasons for things.
Your H is acting on hurt. He is blaming you, when the hurt he is feeling is from him. OW seems like a life raft. He doesn't feel the guilt and hurt w her.
Fast forward to the inevitable.
Some day, when you are nicely detached, in your new "happy" place, he will notice and want what you have.
Someday, when OW is firmly entrenched in his life, when he feels guilty about wanting YOU, she will get the blame and names, and she will not have provoked it either. She will handle it incorrectly, and that will distroy the R, over time. He will contrast how she is handling it, to how you are handling it, and she will come up short.
What I am saying is, that your are not the cause, you are just who it is directed at. The guilt and shame, the hurt and anger are all covered up right now with confusion and selfishness.
Someday, I want to see a LBS openly smile at him when he spews his anger and understand that when he attacks you, he is feeling guilt and shame and that is what he needs to do to.
I am not sure it will work, but I think it is another way to let him know that he can't do that to you.
After all, you are the prize!