Praying and Living

[Holly06]

Thank you New. I am doing great. I have come back to support the Yellow Rose of Texas as she ventures off into the sunset. Got caught up with things along the way myself.....

The big picture in my situation is just fine. I am happy. Keeping all the parts of me that have changed, that I like.

I moved back to wanting more from my R with TJ. I am ahead of the game again. That is a thumbsucking place to be. Hate it.
See, I am ready for I love you. A meaningful R talk about the future,,,,,,,
roses for Valentines day.

I have not told him "ILY". I am just enjoying the relationship, but honesty with myself prevails, and I want the next steps now.
Don't assume I am acting on any of this. I recognize it in myself and hit myself all over the head with my Bam Bam club. (The pieces of all the 2 by 4's molded into my permanent club. More civilized that way. Try it. But you have to hit yourself. Bummer.)

I have had lots of reflection and what if's along the path.
Will this path that I am committed to, be the path to happiness or, would I be better off in a new R? I have these thoughts all the time.
Ultimately, this is what I have boiled it down to. Once you are an adult, with a family morgage, jobs and extended family, you are not ever going to be able to start or continue a new relationship without baggage. There is pain, and problems and what if's along the way, no matter what.
I have been and will continue to have to deal with the occasional , "I can't believe TJ did this to me." I bet I'd be better off starting fresh.
Then I see my BFF Liz. She left a M that was riddled with affairs. She married a great guy, who brings w him an XW, and the legacy of mistrust with XW's affairs. They both have 1 child. 6 months into the MARRIAGE, I endure weekly, sometimes daily, " I don't think this is going to work." " I made a mistake". "He changed."

Mourn this awful thing that has happened to your life. It is awful. Loss is covered up with anger, anger covers up hurt. Deal with the hurt directly. When you are ready, chose what you want. You can change your mind. You can stay the course. Up to you. But the ultimate destination is "happiness". The kind that is within you. Not "happily ever after", as this implies dependence on someone else.
Aim for Happy.
Cupid might take the arrow out of your tushie, and replace it with love of every kind.