I'm not afraid of him being physical. He is smart (although has made some not so smart choices) and comes with a razor sharp tongue. I'm just going to put on my armor. He has a right to his perspective, just as I have mine.
I need to keep in mind that the worst he could do to me has already been done. We're just going to put the official stamp on it.
You know you do not have to listen to his spew. I stopped [mostly] a long time ago. Remember boundaries. Well for me that very much includes what I allow people to say to me. It is for you to decide what is acceptable. They try and persuade you that you cannot stang to 'hear' the truth. That is bs. Blame and spite, put downs and so on, are abusive, and you do not have to listen. You are a big girl and can put the phone down, nicely, after advising him that you do not wish to listen anymore, until he has something polite and constructive to say. It is awfully restful when they stop the spewing.
I am not sure they every totally 'get it' in that you have to re-inforcing the message, but it certainly worked short term for me.
Maybe some things will get said that have needed to be said, from both of us. We haven't had any type of real discussion in over 16 months. There will be no expectations on my part. If it gets to the point of abusive or ridiculous, I will cut him off.
Just because he no longer wants me as his wife will not give him free rein to treat me with disrespect no matter how POd he is. I will remind him, if I have to, that I have treated him with respect through out this and my boundary is that he do the same to me. Either that or he can talk through his L to my L.
You weren't kidding when you said our h's sound like they could be long lost brothers.
My h has kind of been hovering this weekend, so I am laying low on the boards right now.
I think you are dead on about setting a boundary on how he can speak to you. It's just not ok for them to verbally rip into us. I know for myself that the things he would say were so venomous that it left me speechless. It would be hours later or the next day before my mind could even form a response. I have learned to slow wwwaaaayyy down and take time before I speak.
Do they take a class on words that hurt the most??
I started to read your original sitch and realized I had read yours a long time ago. I'm going to try and dig through some of your middle ones and catch up.
In the meantime, everyone keep your eyes peeled for dixiegal from newcomers. I think her h might be MLC and suggested she come read some of the women from over here. Hopefully, she'll post here too. I hope that ok that I asked her to do that!
Hugs, sweet girl, hope that you had a nice weekend.
