You know you do not have to listen to his spew. I stopped [mostly] a long time ago. Remember boundaries. Well for me that very much includes what I allow people to say to me. It is for you to decide what is acceptable. They try and persuade you that you cannot stang to 'hear' the truth. That is bs. Blame and spite, put downs and so on, are abusive, and you do not have to listen. You are a big girl and can put the phone down, nicely, after advising him that you do not wish to listen anymore, until he has something polite and constructive to say. It is awfully restful when they stop the spewing.
I am not sure they every totally 'get it' in that you have to re-inforcing the message, but it certainly worked short term for me.
