Sandi and True are hitting the nail on the head about the OW you've been "friends" with. My husband had these "friends" for most of our marriage, and it had quite a hand in destroying me and our marriage. To this day he doesn't understand what an EA is, and how it ruined my self confidence and my trust in him. If you can't tell your W the truth about where you are or who you are with, you have major problems. This same behavior of befriending some woman that needs him has led to his current EA with a coworker. And it all started bec "her husband is somewhat abusive, and she needs someone to talk to". I heard the same thing 20+ years ago with OW#1, and she has haunted our marriage ever since. I can name at least four females and a male that I know of that he gave of himself to instead of our marriage. (Friends even referred to the male as his boyfriend just to get him to notice what he was doing!)
My question for you and the vets - is it possible for someone like my H to move beyond needing these other people in your marriage? I know I'm 50% responsible for what is wrong in my marriage, but I didn't know what he needed from them that he wasn't getting from me - and I would have loved the opportunity to have provided it. Bec he never wanted to share too much with me emotionally. The one time I needed a lot of emotional help was the terminal illness of my father, and my H couldn't/wouldn't be there for me. He even confessed several years ago to his sister that he let me down big time during that whole ordeal.
Will my H ever wake up to this like you have? I think he sees his need for the OW as an indicator we shouldn't be married, and we'll never get the chance to work through this. Reading this has really ripped open some old wounds for me.
Sorry to hijack. If anyone wants to respond on my thread it would be greatly appreciated. Good luck to you Denver, it sounds as though you are making headway.
