As the Bolt Turns

[Bolt]

Bolt.

I'm sorry you don't take criticism well. You also were patting yourself on the back. You wrote "Husband of the Year." or did you not? What did you mean by that then, if not patting yourself?

Your sexual harassment story gets more unbelievable every time I read it. Now a boyfriend makes a sexual harassment complaint. I've handled hundreds of sexual harassment claims/lawsuits, yes even this year too. Yours is indeed a unique story. I know people tend to spin things in their favor. So I guess if you believe it, it's true.

I'm not trying to be super critical, but I'm trying to save you from yourself. People don't like the truth. Come on, you were looking for a pat on the back, at least be honest about that.

Why do I write this? I WAS you a few years ago. I WAS in the same situation you are in. Heck I even think I used the phrase "husband of the year" a time or two. You think the changes are going to last, you think as long as keep being super husband you will make it. It isn't that simple.

2X4 time - You are doing these acts for her, not you. You are doing these acts for some reward. Elevating these tasks in your mind takes them out of the day-to-day world, not good. What happens the day that she doesn't thank your for them? How will you take it? Or what happens if she gives everything back and you stop doing this out of apathy or laziness?

I see a lot of the "old bolt" in your post to me. If one post on a message board can bring him back, I'd bet your sitch can too.

Verdi, all great points!

Criticism is something I have to take in my profession daily. I don't have to like it but I can take it.

I took exception to how attacking you were. These boards are meant for support not to tear down anyone's small victories. I responded to you in anger because that's how I took your post.

Harassment in a nutshell. There were a ton of people who saw the entire "relationship" happen. An assistant who thought there was more than a work relationship. She was a woman scorned. She dated someone else at the company. She spread lies to HIM who then talked to his roommate who was an upper level person in the company. That upper level person went to HR. Sounds like a game of telephone to me. It basically came down to perception. She was jilted because I didn't want her the same way she wanted me. I'm outgoing/flirtatious but married. Once I saw what was going on, I had a talk with her and said me=married you=assistant. It got super bad after that.

I don't know what else to say about that.


The husband of the year quote was done mostly in jest but for me, doing something like that was HUGE. Why could I say that title? Because the W validated it. She told me I would never understand how much that meant to her. I came on this board to proclaim a small victory. You haven't been around these boards long enough to see that those victories don't happen that often. Most times, we LBS don't recognize them. I post it for myself and some back patting sure, but I also do it for the other BITS so they can have some hope.

If you've read all my posts (and God love ya if you have), you can see my apprehension for posting good news. I don't want to feel like I'm rubbing it in. I've been reassured by many here to keep that coming. It does give them hope.

As far as your 2x4, I thank you for that. Do I elevate them? Sure I do. But I follow them up by having weekly checkups with the W. I want to make sure I'm staying the course. I want this to be my habit, my new me, my way of life. The only way to make a real change is to keep that change DAILY. So yeah, I'm making daily goals to accomplish. Isn't that in the DR book??

And she doesn't always thank me and that's ok. That's NOT why I'm doing it. As a matter of fact, there are things that I'm doing that she's thanking me for that I'm not aware of. It's great when she does thank me but I'm learning to rid of expectations.

Am I perfect? Heck no but I'm trying to get better every day.

I'd just appreciate support on the board - light criticism in the form of 2x4s are appreciated as well but venom and anger isn't.

one last thing. Old bolt in the post? Actually, no. Old Bolt wouldn't have posted anything because he wouldn't fight for what he believed in for his M. He would have been upset, yes but it wouldn't have shaken his foundation for his W. That's where that all came from.

Now let's get back to some positive feedback. Help when someone is down and encouragement to get back up. We BITS have enough crap to deal with, eh? (for my Canadians out there)