This is the part of the equation I am not familiar with and don't know that I will ever be. In my opinion the thread and the book can only take you so far.
You have two positive things here.
She wants to make it work
You want to make it work
I think it is the time to get yourself some pro help.
Just a thought.
Sadbuthappy,
Just for the record I am of the same opinion. I have my boundaries, and I will not faulter
