Phew... what a day! Yes, I was DB'ing my a$$ off. And you know what??? So was my H. I knew he wouldn't be cleaning unless he was up to something!!!!
So on today's episode of my soap opera life, my H did come over. We talked. Not a lot, but we talked. He said that he missed me. He said that he wanted to be with me. He said that he wants to come home but he knows that I said last night it was too soon. Ummm... I didn't real say that, but he thought I did because again 2Step screwed me by not being in my living room during the unexpected turn of events
Anyway, I told him that I missed him to, but that he can't come home unless he is willing to work on things. Which he was. I gave him my list of things including the roommate moving out. He wasn't too thrilled about that because he is very attached to her daughter, but he agreed. I acknowledged pretty much everything I said before. It was weird because he really didn't seem like he wanted me to apologize which further solidifies the fact that I know he cheated. He is feeling pretty guilty about that. But I did not bring it up. I did not question him again because I'm not sure he'd change his answer yet. But, strangely, I wasn't overly bothered by it. This is kind of where my rape helped me if you can believe that. I understand very clearly the difference between sex and making love.
So, he left. We made plans for tomorrow. He goes on business trip all next week and I agreed to talk to him about timing next weekend. I, in all honesty, want him back right this second. But I want some foundation too. I want the foundation that some of you have been building (2Step, Denver, Bolt, etc.). I am scared to death. I am cautiously optomistic and I am taking to heart what Dixie is saying about letting myself show a little more and tearing down walls. I need to work on that more because I still didn't do so well with that today. I still have my head about me, though.
