Thanks for your thoughts on ow moving in with H. I must say I didn't see anything too positive about it. My Mum also said that this will put greater pressure on the relationship and it will fizz. However, i'm not so sure. They've already been together 4 years.
In my previous thread I said that d told me that H had a new job, had ow move in with him temporarily and had suggested he would go to the major swim meet at Easter.
Yesterday, after I posted, H emailed to tell me stuff about our financial settlement, to ask if it was ok if he attended swimming and to tell me he had a new job. I replied briefly and said I would always support his involvement with the kids, congratulated him on his job and clarified a point on the financials. Overnight, i had another thought re the financials and I text him to see if we could chat briefly about it. He replied that he would call in after taking D driving.
Observation of self...... I felt really different when I saw him and realised the space since december had allowed me to detach further from him.
We had a fairly frank conversation and he told me (but not necessarily in this order); -wondered why I hadn't been in touch and when I reminded him it was cos he had told me to leave him alone, claimed he didn't remember. I think he says things in heat of the moment but doesn't mean them so then doesn't remember them. he agreed with this. -ow had moved in cos the house she rented had been sold in a week and she needed somewhere to go quite quickly (well done ow. you finally got what you so wanted) -he figured it was ok by D since she never really stayed with him anyway (just justifying his actions) -that ow was contributing to his household costs _that the arrangement was only for as long as it was working and the most important thing was his peace and if it wasn't working to his satisfaction they had to move out -that H wasn't paying for ow or her s in anyway -that ow's son has gone to school nearest his house I told him of a couple of times I would be away and wondered what would happen with D then. He said he would stay at my place if that was ok with me in May and then I said I also had a trip away scheduled for september and he said he wasn't even sure if ow would still be there then -he said I didn't know the arrangements H and ow had made and mentioned his house rules (he's had a couple of other borders and he gave them sets of rules) -told me about his new job and schedule and that he had committed to it for 6 months -talked to me about swimming carnival and said he wasn't 100% sure if he could go but was looking into it. Ow would not be going cos of course D wouldn't like it. (Ha, ha D doesn't like her living with her dad either but that didn't bother him) -said he would prefer if we could sit together at swim meet. I said my mum would probably be present and he said that was fine (surprisingly Mum was ok with this) -Said he still wanted us to do things as a family like kid's birthdays and ow was not going to be 'in charge' of him, he was his own person. I said so if I invited you to dinner like last year you'd come? He said he would if he was free and wanted to. _ said he was still going to come to fix the blinds he hadn't done in my house since his last assistance to me some months ago
Think that's about it...... he had been out with d for 2 hours and then was here for another 2 and is out with d again tomorrow.
Wondering what MIL would say given that she thought ow was perfect for H cos she didn't pressure him.
Now I think I have two choices.....A. stay in touch with H which is bad for me cos I then get tangled up in thinking and analysing again but could be good cos it may put some pressure on his relationship cos H might think ow would be fine with him being around me but we females know that wouldn't be the case!!! B. get back to being dim
It was almost as if he has agreed as she had nowhere to go and he sees the benefit of the financial contribution, so a win-win but forgets the long term could be incredibly costly.
