Just picked up today's mail and my final D date is set for March 29, 2011 at 9:30 AM. I'm numb.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Zen, Focus! It is only a piece of paper. That is all, just paper. Put the thing on your frig and tell yourself each day that it is just a piece of paper. No human being has ever been defeated by a piece of paper unless you allow it to. A court proceeding can't defeat love, EVER! Don't let this get to you, please! For now, tuck that away and go do something for yourself. When you get back, put that piece of paper in front of you and start working on your plan to move forward. This is not the end. To borrow a line from Gritter, "Is this the hill you are going to die on?" Only you can make that choice.
Do me a favor. There will come a day when I too will get this "piece of paper." Please send me my own words when I do.
Hang in there! BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
March 29? How lucky are you. You have over a month to really do the 180's we discussed. Not talk about them but actually do them. You know what they are. Soooooo, get started you have a long time.
If the D goes through then you will have time to breathe and continue with the process.
What does the paper mean? That your M is over? That your M is broken?
What 2Step and FOBD said Gypsy! I actually thought that this was good news bc your signature had said D in 2/11 for a while... I think?
Hang in there and keep your head up!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I did get the papers once, after DB'ing my butt off for 2 years. I know how you feel. It hurt, it did. But it didn't change the situation, the day to day stuff. Just that we weren't married. It is only paper, though it may not feel like that right now.
Hugs to you, Zen.
You are the queen of positivity... focus... you can do this. You can use these 6 weeks to freak out and sink in depression or to focus and do something! 180, LRT, something. BITS are here to help you through. You can do it, you can do it...
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
Awww... Gypsy, how are you doing for real??? I'm so sorry.
I can tell you all day long that papers are just papers but I know that is painful. Very painful. And there isn't a lot of positive thinking that will take that sting away immediately. God, your H is a moron.
Unfortunately, though, you are going to need to move on from numb. You need to pick yourself up (after properly allowing yourself to feel the pain) and brush yourself off and start making a plan.
Sorry I was out of pocket today. I did some retail therapy after I got the mail! Nothing like buying a new pair of hot leopard print shoes! Now I just need a oppty to wear them!
Anyway....I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. You guys always kick my a$$ in a good way!! I have had so many people tell me it's just a piece of paper. A friend of mine has been telling me this for months. She said you can always marry each other again, she said her brother's done it twice! My plan is to still DB even after the D is final. I want to start to be friends again and hopefully build on that. My thought has always been he loved me once and we both lost our way. I've worked hard to be the girl he fell in love with again and then some. I guess emotionally, he's not caught up to me yet to see my changes live and in person. I hope he does one day.
I knew that this D was emminent. But ya know when you get actual court docs it's like the door hitting you in the face over and over. My H is NOT going to break down. It's all about the control factor for him and he's been in the drivers seat since he left and he loves it because he feels he's never been in this seat for our entire marriage. He once said when he first left that I f'd up and that I have to pay the consequence and that consequence is a D. That one day I am going to be alone and I used to say no I'm not. I called his bluff one too many times. CT has a cooling off period for 90 days and that 90 days is done. Denver, you are very correct. The original D date was this past Tues (Feb 8). The only reason why the date got postponed was because I hired a L 2 weeks ago just for my protection and she had to notify the court.
2, I need a review of those 180's we talked about. You know how the mind gets when gets flooded.
FOBD, YOU crack me up. How do you know that one day you'll be getting a piece of paper? I'm afraid if I put that paper on my fridge, it will magically walk over to the stove and set itself on fire!!!
I also spent the day with a very good grammer school friend who's mom is 87 and just came out of the hosp and is now home under hospice care. She is the cutest little old Italian woman. She doesn't really speak English and my Italian is really bad but it felt really good to support her today. It's hard having a sick parent and know that the end may be close. My friends mom has congestive heart failure and is so very thin. Good deeds never go unrewarded isn't that what they say? This good deed was second nature to me.
Anyway....It's 1AM my time. GOtta try and get some shut eye.
I love ALL of you Bits/Sits. Thanks for walking with me in my twisted journey.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm so sorry that you had to experience the very thing all of us here dread - Unfortunatus Divorcicus. Pardon my rusty Latin, but I just said a prayer for you and hope you had a good nights sleep by the time you read this.
This sense of power our WAS now have is addictive, which is probably what coaxes them out the marital door, sadly. My wife is definitely hooked. Just hope the side effects kick in soon, you know?
