I'm glad that you finally shook that "bug". It sounded awful! I would imagine that you are a bit buried in work now trying to catch up.
Yes, after my D I went very dim. I needed to do that for myself even though Jody wanted me to be more open to XH. I just couldn't be friendlier to XH at that point.
I wasn't totally dark with XH; just very dim. I didn't initiate and when I responded to XH's texts/emails I would wait 1-2 days and answer with short replies. This lasted for 4-5 months until XH found an excuse to come to the house (needed something for taxes) and we had a very nice convo. Things started warming up after that.
Last night I posted something on Missherlove's thread that might be helpful to you right now. (Missher's D was final yesterday.) It talks about how if we can distinguish "suffering" from "grieving", and question the beliefs we hold that cause "suffering", we can suffer less as we go through our grieving processes.
