The unexamined life is not worth living

[Denver_2010]

You know what I find more interesting than everything you posted? The fact that you felt the need to confess everything before you told us that she had a PA. That says that you think you needed to protect her from us. To give an explanation, to take the heat for her. Not that she needed any protection from us!

I'm really glad that you pointed this out Hope as I had not consciously intended for my post to act as protection for my W. After I read this, I realized that this is indeed exactly what I was doing... subconsciously. The fact is, I am ashamed of the state of my M. As my W said last night, "things are a mess" right now. I carry A LOT of culpability for this. I don't want ANYONE to judge my W without knowing all of the facts.

You do love her, Denver. You fought to be here, to have her want to try to save the M. You fought to change yourself for her. Right now you have a real shot of not only saving the M, but having a wonderful one where you both take responsibility, both give 100%, both put each other first. I know you've got that big male ego you keep telling me share with my H... but don't let it get in the way here. Don't let it destroy all your hard work because that is what will happen if you decide not to try now that you're so close. Your ego will get in the way. You worked so hard for her to want you again and now that you've got her on the line are you going to be the man that says "oh, I made you change your mind, now I can walk away with my ego" or are you going to be the man that says "I f'd up. You f'd up. We're human, we messed up. But you're still the woman who stood by me for all those years when I was an idiot until I pushed you so far away that you didn't see a way back. Now I'm pulling you back because I need you, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life being so incredible, such a great husband to you that you'll never want to leave again, you'll never be in the position to even have to think about moving on with an OW". Be THAT guy, Denver!

I'm bordering on that decision, acting like the first guy with all ego and trust issues and thinking of me, me, me. I'm an idiot. Don't be an idiot like me. Because darn it, if I have to push you into being the amazing H that you can be if only for the rest of us girls here to see some hope... I'll do it!!!!

He's a 2x4, hit yourself for us. Not for your mistakes but for hesitating on what to do here.

(((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))

Give me all of the 2x4s you got. I think that you are right. I do love my W... more than anything... still.

BITS
Denver