The Moment of Clarity

[Denver_2010]

I don't even know how hard those were to write, but I am so proud of you! I don't like the old Denver. I want you to paste your note somewhere where you can see it often so you make sure that you continue to kill any remnants of that old Denver. But, you have made some huge revelations and strides and we all love that Denver. I am just so proud of you.

Thank you LIS. Those words were hard to write. Unfortunately though, they are the truth.

I don't like the 'old' Denver either.

Ok, buddy, so the truth... I don't really hear mention of your W being all that religious. If that is, in fact, true, then in conventional thinking, she didn't really cheat on you. This indiscretion is not something for you to necessarily forgive, but something to move on from. You told her on a number of occassions to move on. You told her that it was over. And when you were done telling her, you showed her. Keeping friends like that with women is really not good. Keeping old e-mails and letters from x's is disrespectful. I say all of this not to hurt you.

If I were not committed to my vows and to God, I honestly feel as if I would be within my right to go see other people as he has told me and showed me on a number of occassions that it is over.

This is an interesting take LIS. One that I may be able to use to in my work to reconcile my feelings over my W's actions.

No, my W is not very religious. She was raised in a religious home, but has moved away from that during the course of her life. She had always wanted us to go to church, but I am even less religious than she is, so I resisted. With all of that being said, I know that with her religious upbringing, that she is struggling with this, and guilt. But this is not something that I plan to push her on.

I own my actions that helped lead my M to where it is today... And my W owns her actions. We will have to deal with the guilt that each of us feels individually... while we work together to fix what caused us to take those actions.

You have to understand that words hurt bad. Words in anger especially tear people down and we all need to be especially careful in those situations.

I didn't realize this until it was WAY too late LIS. The thing is, is that much of this occurred very early in our R... before we were M'd. I inflicted deep wounds to my W years ago.

I just didn't understand...

Sweetie, you have a huge opportunity here. I would not let this A get in the way of this, especially since she volunteered never to speak to OM again.

I sincerely hope that it is the opportunity that it seems. I think that my W is still conflicted and afraid.

As far as people sticking with you... are you kidding??? You stuck with all of us!!! And there are more than a few of us who probably have some confessions to make of their own. We are not perfect people. So the next big point is that you need to forgive yourself. If you don't, the guilt will eat you alive. You made mistakes, you are repenting. Stay THAT course.

You are such a great man and we are on YOUR side every minute of every day.

Again, thank you LIS. Your words never fail to lift my spirits.

And I never doubted that the BITS would stick with me!