1) I would wait on the flower idea. It still might be too soon. But, you know her better than we do, so you will have to make the final decision on this.
2) As for having your list of "deal breakers," get rid of it. I had my list all ready to throw in my W's face the minute something on the list was violated and now it is meaningless. For years, I was one of those guys that always had lists like this for every occasion and situation. All this has lead to is a sad life with many broken promises. If you love her and want her back, dump the list. The list is a crutch. It is a "back door" you can use to jump out if this thing if it starts going the wrong way. You and I both know you want her back, so put NO conditions on her return. I have said for weeks that if my W strayed, we were done. But that was before I finally realized that I played a huge role in my W left. If she strays, I will be devastated, but life will go on (Well, as long as she didn't shag the entire offensive line of the Dallas Cowboys or something ). JMO. But give it some thought.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
I recently came to realize that I would rather be alone than be with anyone else after my wife.
I have realized that I am no longer willing to settle, and after her, any other woman would always be second best. I have found some peace in knowing that from now on I will always be here for both of us, no matter what.
The fact is I have failed my wife so many different times in so many different ways - especially in the bedroom. As hurtful as it is to think of her with anybody else, there is no doubt in my mind or heart that I am the best man for her.
I am taking this as an opportunity to overcome my own insecurities, my feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, etc, all the B.S. stories that I had been unconsciously telling myself.
2 Step I agree. Toss away the list. And be the Lighthouse with a Life.
Live strong.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
The important thing is to remember is that nothing is ever so black and white...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I agree with you I know all these things I will handle when thet time arrives.
I am in my typical weekend funk.
I am doing a lot of thinking and I will be reaching out to W at some point this weekend. I feel comfortable enough reaching out, my intention is to try and test the waters a little bit about coming out to OK. At some point we have to start moving past conversation and taking some action but I am torn about this.
When we had our DB session awhile back the coach said "what changes can H make" W thought about it and gave a few answers but one thing she said was "well he did show up at my mothers house"
Maybe she is expecting something from me but like I said I am torn
2step, I wish you luck buddy and congrats on coming to the point that the "lists" are not going to be an issue. Denver is right. Nothing in life is black and white, nothing. Years ago, I told my wife that if she ever left, she better just keep walking because she would not be welcome here again. Now, who looks like the *ss??? Uh, that would be me!
Good luck with your contact. I will hoping for the best. Your sitch gives me hope. Your words of wisdom give me comfort. Thanks!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
NO!!!!! I do not agree with the rose, sweetie. I know that you want to push past conversation. I know that so much, but you need to be patient. You need to keep going with the conversations. These conversations are so, so important because you are building the foundation back. Whether she realizes it or not, that is what you are doing.
Listen, you have gotten further with your foundation than I have. I still have that work to do. So in actuality, I am no further than you are. I know you want her with you, I know you want to talk to her all the time, I know you want to make some grand gesture. I still maintain that you ARE going to get your chance, but you need to build the foundation to hold that grand gesture up.
Stay the course, sweetie. That's what you have to do. I don't have an issue with you calling her at all. You are definitely at THAT place.
Ditto what LIS said. If something is working, don't try to push it and break it. Keep your word, stick to your changes. You can do this 2step, you can stay patience and build the foundation you need to. Baby steps. Still forward.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
). JMO. But give it some thought.