More journaling. Getting frustrated that my posts take so long to appear...
Hadn't had much contact with W this week. Wednesday we saw each other for about half an hour after work and yesterday (Thursday) I saw her for 15 minutes in the morning and welcomed her home at 11:30 pm before going back to bed. We normally email back and forth a bit during the day, but I was at a conference out of the office Wed and decided to wait and see if W would write on Thurs. No emails those days at all.
Today W emails in the morning. Mentions that we've hardly talked this week and that she's starting to feel a little better on the ADs. We email a couple of times each, keeping things light. After work we talked a little bit and then she asked about apartments. I told her that the place I found had some more models available. We talk about some of the pros and cons and I validate her feelings that she needs to find herself and she isn't sure she can do that if I'm here. We then go out for a couple of errands and to grab some dinner. I showed her the place I was thinking of and we both agree it's very convenient to a lot of things important to me (work, kids, downtown) and still only 5-10 minutes away from our house. She mentions that we should still have at least one 'date' night a week if I go and makes a few other similar comments. She also says she'll be interested in resuming the Retrouvaille dialoging once she starts feeling like herself again (her depression was really bad this week). We discussed some weekend plans we each had and are considering doing something together tomorrow night. She also wants to get my boys a little something for V-day, even though they drive her somewhat crazy.
I'm feeling a bit down right now but trying not to show it. Sad that I may be moving out, sad that the woman I love is so conflicted inside, sad that we haven't moved past this yet. I know I've been working on myself and W sees it. We both know she needs to work on herself before she can work on our R, but it's tough. It's tough that one of my LL is physical affection, but it's not one of hers and she can't give me what I need now. I'm still doing my best to fill her love bucket and she's mentioned that she appreciates it and will probably miss that when I'm gone.
I guess at this point I'm just looking for some positive vibes from the rest of you. I know things will work out for the best, whatever that is, and I really do think we'll end up together in the end, but that doesn't mean I have to like the sitch
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
