See, Hope, that's your decision not your indecision. If this guy sticks around, then you stay. If not, you have some decisions to make. The whole time you have been dealing from the mindset that you are the one auditioning for the part of his W. But really, he is also auditioning for the part of your H.
You can't have all of this answered right now. Just like the rest of our spouses, you need to wait and see if his changes stick. If they do, then great. If they don't, then you make your decisions.
BUT you are not indecisive. You know what you want. You are just not sure if he can deliver.
But, if he cannot deliver, this does not make you a bad person. That is a reflection on him. You are making changes that are good for you. That is ALL you can do. Be happy with who YOU are. If he decides in the end to go back to being a jerk or to cheating, that is a reflection on HIM not YOU. But when you say you do not what to do or go from here. That is not true. You know exactly what to do. You keep DB'ing and you wait for the answers to come. And they will, that we can all be assured of.
And for goodness sake, put that gun away and stop aiming at yourself. You are way smarter than you allow yourself to believe. And your instincts are just fine. And you're not broken. You are going through a very rough period in your life, that's what it is. You need to give yourself a break!
Big hugs for you Hope. I am praying for you. I am praying for your peace. My God, after everything you've gone through, you deserve it!
