There it is... there is the dam that I wanted to burst. Sorry, sweetie, but it really HAD to come out.
TRUST YOUR GUT. People are going to tell you different. People are going to try to assuage you by telling you that you could be wrong. And frankly, you could be. I could be wrong about my sitch. But, if I lose faith in myself, if I can't trust myself, then I truly have lost everything.
All people hurt people. This is true. But, Hope, you are not happy right now and you haven't been for awhile. I don't mean you're not happy because the situation is bad, you're not happy because you don't like who your husband is right now and you haven't for awhile. And instead of seeing the situation for what it is... Instead of just coming to terms with the facts that you laid out above, for some reason, you've decided to turn the gun on yourself??? You decide because he is not being a good husband and because you have had some bad relationships or made some bad choices, this must be what you deserve or you must not be reading the situation correctly or there must be something wrong with you. And sweetie, that's JUST NOT TRUE.
Now, I need to put this in context here. I'm not saying to leave him. I am not saying that continuing on with the program is not the right thing to do. But I want you to do these things with your eyes wide open. And with your eyes wide open, you need to deal with the fact that your gut is telling you he's cheating. So what's your next move?
My gut told me that my H is cheating and I can move on from that. I cut off all sexual contact with him prior to the breakdown and I just get what happened. Many, many women would not agree with me. And that's cool. They don't get to be me so I'm not worried about what they think.
And you, you need not worry about what I think, what the other ladies think, what the BITS think, what your H thinks, what your family thinks... you need to be concerned about what YOU think and what YOU want. Then after you decide that, then decide how YOU are going to get it.
Hope, I wish so much to be there to hold your hand and give you a big hug because you really are fighting so hard and I really see how much you are trying to change. You need to be so proud of yourself for that. We are proud of you. It's time to think now. Quiet your mind and start thinking...
I'm praying for you and I'm praying for your peace.
