Not Counting Chickens Yet...

[hope2011]

My gut says he cheated or even still cheating. That all these red flags aren't appearing without cause. That any idiot can see he's cheating and only a fool would make excuses for him. That his nonchalance about my pain over the panties and the dating site and his lack of apology shows how little he respects me. That he really doesn't care about me. That his sudden happiness and attentiveness to me in December was bought on only by his ego boost of having other women talk to him and him trying to cover up his indiscretions by being kind to me. That his working so hard now, after 2 years of not caring about me is a big red flag. He went from amazing when we were dating to a complete, selfish jerk once we got married and not back to amazing suddenly after joining a dating site. In my gut... I don't see him happy with me, in love with me, wanting me. I see a guy getting his happiness from some other source and it overflowing onto me.

But in all this I changed too. I went from whiny, unappreciative, disrespectful, complaining, nagging to DB'ing in the past 2 months. I changed too.

So how do I know?

This is where I need R talks. This is where our communication problems (because I'm scared to rock the boat) is eating at me. Not knowing, not really talking... I feel really disconnected from him. I have major walls up even while I DB and act as if.

My gut is saying he's going to break my heart and shatter my world. But my gut is also saying... isn't that what all men do eventually?

My gut has a freaking ulcer.