Hope, she is blissfully happy. I assure you that. But that didn't happen until she was comfortable in her own skin. Until she could gain the confidence from within instead of outside herself. I suppose that is why I am just so glued on the fact that you don't trust yourself. Now, I understand many of us don't right now. But there is a difference. In my gut, I know my husband had an A. I can't prove it. I waver on it sometimes and I justify it for him sometimes. But I know it in my gut. Denver, same thing. Couldn't prove a thing, but he knew it in his gut. He found out he was right. But you cannot tell me what your gut is feeling right now and that just bothers me.
Then something else... you say that you try to prove yourself tough and then wear your heart on your sleeve at other times. Those are not mutually exclusive things. Who are you trying to prove what to? You can be tough and you can be sensitive, both at once. In your core, though, who are you really? I have a guess... it comes out in your posts...
Wow. Big confession day for everyone. Hope, people change and you did too and if anyone strings you up for past behavior they'll have to get through quite a few of us. I'm not worried about mistakes you made in the past. And I don't think you should be ashamed.
As I piece my way through my conversation with you, I'm starting to realize something... I think you might have a gut instinct about your H right now. I've been wrong before, so you won't hurt my feelings if you tell me I am again. But, Hope, put it all away. Put away the thoughts of wanting another child. Put away thoughts of a 2nd failed M (I struggle with that one too). Put away thoughts of having to start all over again. Put away thoughts that your answer will change anything. I even want you to put away thoughts of your boundaries.
What is your gut telling you?
Oh, honey, I'm sending you big hugs and lots of prayers. I really hope that you are having a good day today!!! You deserve it!!!
