My Story

[Jason3974]

Things didn't go well last night. W and I have been staying apart for the past few days, communicating mostly by text message (not about R, just kids, dinner, etc.), but still living in the same house.

She was going to be home about an hour before me, so I asked if she wanted to wait for dinner or get something sooner. While waiting for a response, my brother called me and asked if I wanted him to take our S12 and D10 to McDonalds. I told him that since I hadn't heard from W, to go ahead. Shortly after this, W responds that she'll pick something up instead of waiting...and what would I like her to get me.

When I told her what the kids were doing, she became upset and said she'd get something for herself. After getting home I asked why she was upset and she told me that she didn't want to hear my brother or SIL's names anymore. She has been very upset that they haven't tried to reach out to her since all of this came out (she told them both what was going on, I told them to stay and I'd handle it).

I didn't mention in my original post that both of her parents have passed away and has only a brother and sister 4 hours from where we live. She's always considered my family hers and has felt very alone not having anyone to talk to.

I tried to explain that everyone still loved her, in spite of her making it known to my entire family her intentions to move out. She disagreed and I told her it was better not to talk anymore tonight.

My pastor called to check on things and I went into my bedroom to speak to him. When I came out she asked me who I was talking to and said I was a hypocrite (basically saying that I was against her PA, but was starting my own). I told her that I'd be happy to compare phone records with her and assured her that my conversations and text messages to other people were all in an attempt to save our marriage. My point struck a chord and she immediately started talking about the OM, which set me off. I totally blew it. I yelled and called her names (specifically about her PA and how she was being a bad mother) and she retaliated by telling me how much better this OM was at satisfying her and she was planning on spending time with him this weekend being intimate. I was crushed once again, but realize I brought it on myself.

Later that night she sent me text messages saying that she was switching her cell phone service so I couldn't check up on her. That the OM made her feel good about herself and she wouldn't stop the R with him. I didn't respond until she asked me to stop speaking to family member (first cousin's husband that I was going out to lunch with today) about our relationship. We share common interests in music, religion and politics and he's been divorced before so knows the ropes. She said that he understood her and my talking to him was just to ruin their relationship. She needed people and I should be ashamed of myself for trying to come between that. I could tell she was hurt, so I sent the family member an email and bcc'd my W. I told him that as much as I appreciated his love, support and prayers and willingness to help me, the chances of me unloading everything and painting her in a poor light was something I didn't want to do. I told him that I loved her and had caused her enough pain. I asked him to continue to pray for both of us.

About an hour later I heard my W sobbing outside our bedroom. When I checked on her she seemed out of it. She had been drinking and I found that she had taken some sleeping pills. She kept saying how rotten her life was and that she had no one. All she ever wanted was for me to love her. I told her I was worried about her and asked if she was ok physically. She went into the spare bedroom she's been staying in but left the door open. I followed her, sat on the bed and rubbed her back and she didn't stop me. She talked about how sorry she was for hurting me with the OM, but just wanted to feel loved and that's what he did for her. She was afraid that I would try and take the kids away from her. And then the dagger, that there was no hope for us. She said that no matter how hard I tried, she would never be able to look at me the same way. I cried and told her I could make her happy. I told her I've changed and have finally been able to open up to her and others. I told her that I forgave her for the PA and could see what I contributed to her making that decision. I did basically everything I'm not supposed to do, based on what I've read here. She let me hold her until she settled down and didn't pull away when I kissed her hands and forehead. She said she wanted to pretend that tonight had never happened and wake up tomorrow and be the best parents that we could be.

This morning, it was back to the new normal. I've been pretty good the past few days about not checking the phone records, but this morning and early afternoon, I've done it 5 or 6 times. There was nothing to or from the other man since Tuesday, but she reached out to him today after I left for work (she took a personal day). I feel that all I did last night was push her closer to him, but was holding out hope that she sent him the "I can't do this with you, I need to work on my marriage" text...he hasn't responded and I know that it's wishful thinking, but much better than the alternative...

Please pray for me. Please pray for my wife and ask God to open her heart to our marriage.

Jason