Well, thanks to 2Step and a couple of "get your head out of your a$$" talks from a few of you, I navigated my way through last night...
He did stay. Not in our bed, but that wasn't really an option that I gave him. We had a good time. Watched some tv, laughed and fell asleep. He left this morning and there was an awkward hug. Not sure what to make of that other than I don't get much of them so I'll take it awkward or not. We made plans for Saturday for him to come over and help me around the house. He didn't take a stitch of the dry cleaning with him.
I don't have a clue where any of this is heading. But at least the "toxic" atmosphere is gone for now. He's still got such a sadness about him. I understand. I do too. But I try not to let it show.
A special thanks to 2Step for helping me navigate this one. I really started panicking last night. It's weird I get like this with a person I've been with 12 years. But it is what it is...
Prayers and love to you all. I hope you have a great day!!!
Well, thanks to 2Step and a couple of "get your head out of your a$$" talks from a few of you, I navigated my way through last night...
He did stay. Not in our bed, but that wasn't really an option that I gave him. We had a good time. Watched some tv, laughed and fell asleep. He left this morning and there was an awkward hug. Not sure what to make of that other than I don't get much of them so I'll take it awkward or not. We made plans for Saturday for him to come over and help me around the house. He didn't take a stitch of the dry cleaning with him.
I don't have a clue where any of this is heading. But at least the "toxic" atmosphere is gone for now. He's still got such a sadness about him. I understand. I do too. But I try not to let it show.
A special thanks to 2Step for helping me navigate this one. I really started panicking last night. It's weird I get like this with a person I've been with 12 years. But it is what it is...
Prayers and love to you all. I hope you have a great day!!!
LIS
I like the name of your thread title - if I only I had some belief in that today....
Glad your night with your H seems to have gone fairly well and that you held no expectations. Keep it going - you are a star!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Better days are coming for all of us. Whether that is with our spouses or without them. This is NOT the hill we are going to die on as one of the vets keeps encouraging us to believe.
I just don't see it right now, I feel like things will get much more difficult before they get better.
I cannot imagine how painful it's going to be to remove my W from my benefits, beneficiary of my investments, put the house for sale, split up assets, when she buys her OWN house, seperate vacations, not sleeping in the same bed, her removing her wedding rings, day we actually split, being literally alone, not seeing my children everyday...and so on.
I try to enjoy the moments I have now, and remember that if I literal seperation is to occur we are looking at September (right before the kids go back to school) for it happen.
All the little steps from now to then that I listed above will be horrible. Heck I've already started making plans to move in with my BF in September (all tentative of course).
I do have some optimism that when the nice weather and summer holiday approaches the extra Vitamin D may help wake my W from her walking coma...
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Oh honey, there are days none of us see it. Give it a few days, and I'm sure I'll be whining about something else.
BUT... even if the worst case happens and all of your nightmare comes true, do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that this is where your whole life ends?? Do you honestly believe you are going to be that miserable for your whole life???
Our lives are a string of moments... Get what you can out of each one of them. Listen, I can tell you the bad stuff from last night. I can tell you the reasons I believe that it might be over. But I had some good moments and I really want to be with them right now. And you have some good moments too... Those girls love you. I mean really love their daddy.
I know you are in a lot of pain and I understand it so much. I wish I could hug you right now and make it all go away. But it isn't that easy so we all have to do the best we can. You may not agree with me right now about things getting better and that's ok. Heck, there are already moments today, I don't necessarily believe myself. But, it's still the truth.
Glad you made it out on the other side ok. Hey I tried to keep going but the thread got locked. I am going to catch up in a little bit just wanted to stop real quick to check you out
Oh honey, there are days none of us see it. Give it a few days, and I'm sure I'll be whining about something else.
BUT... even if the worst case happens and all of your nightmare comes true, do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that this is where your whole life ends?? Do you honestly believe you are going to be that miserable for your whole life???
Our lives are a string of moments... Get what you can out of each one of them. Listen, I can tell you the bad stuff from last night. I can tell you the reasons I believe that it might be over. But I had some good moments and I really want to be with them right now. And you have some good moments too... Those girls love you. I mean really love their daddy.
I know you are in a lot of pain and I understand it so much. I wish I could hug you right now and make it all go away. But it isn't that easy so we all have to do the best we can. You may not agree with me right now about things getting better and that's ok. Heck, there are already moments today, I don't necessarily believe myself. But, it's still the truth.
Take care of yourself, SIC.
Thanks again LIS, I appreciate the encouragement.
I guess I just don't want to be miserable at all, not that I really feel miserable day to day. I feel kind of depressed, just down and sad about what has transprired in my life. Part of it is from guilt, and part of it is from the pain of what I have ALREADY lost.
I've already lost 3 months of my married life (my wife would say she's lost all of it - because the whole thing sucked), and I don't want to lose another day - never mind the next how many, days, months, years it may take to get over the sitch.
I'm still here, not going anywhere. I'll do my best to stay strong. This is a place where I can show my weakness, where I can wear my heart on my sleeve. I am that kind of person.
I look forward to the hurricane to be gone, so I can assess the damage and figure how long it will take to rebuild.
BITS SIC
I also believe I am a good person who is deserving of my W's love
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
No one wants to be miserable, depressed, lost or otherwise. No one. There are people way too comfortable in those emotions but at the end of the day, they don't want to be there. But that's where you are right now. That's where a lot of us are right now and the best advice I've received from you guys is to just feel it instead of fighting it.
As far as thinking about the time you lost... you only lose what you waste. There was such a profound message that someone sent to me right at the beginning of this mess. She said that the time she went through with her H and the breakdown of her marriage was some of the best in her life. She got to really do and be what she wanted to do and be. So, while everything seems like it's lost, it's not. We are getting that time and that shot.
You are right, though, this is a very safe place to wear your heart on your sleeve. We are here for you and will continue to be here for you! And I'm just so thankful for the people here for me when I'm feeling down. I'm praying for you.
Some days I honestly believe I could die of a broken heart because I've never experienced this kind of agony in all my life, it literally consumes me some days. This week has been a struggle. I've cried while driving, at work, in the shower, woken up in the middle of the night and sobbed and I even had to bring a big stuffed toy to bed just to feel close to 'something' because the loneliness is unbearable.
I KNOW there is a lesson in all this, I KNOW that it will be an every day battle and I don't know what the next day will bring, but we have to move forward and you have to be strong for yourself, for your daughters, for your wife and for your marriage as hard as it may be. If we could see the future, none of us would be here.
Hang in there and know you have so much support here for you.
Chrys.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
Ok I am back! Hey great job last night!!! I am proud of you for keeping your head and maintaining. On another note Lis, you owe me for nothing. I mean nothing. You are my strengh when I am weak if I gave you a quarter of the comfort you offer me then I am going to bed a happy man tonight.
Why are you the only one of the female BITS that has it on her signature? C'mon ladies get with the program..........
