WAW tearing up our family

[ironMan]

Firstlove posted this over on FOBD's thread. I love it. I'm copying it here to have in my own journal.

FOBD and 2step
Letting Go
Author unknown
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I don’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Mr. Firstlove

[Denver_2010]

Nothing that I say to you is going to make you feel any better Ironman. I know that. I think that anger is a pretty normal emotion to be feeling... so is being a little paranoid.

You need to detach yourself from the situation. You cannot control what your W is or isn't doing right now.

Remember, you are IRONMAN!!

BITS
Denver

[ironMan]

haha ... yes I am.

She is her problem now.

Thanks Denver. I know you can look back at where you've been and probably see where I am.

[hope2011]

IronMan, from a woman's perspective about all the grooming, maybe she just wants to feel good about herself? Sometimes, at our lowest points in self-esteem, we just want to feel pretty head to toe. Doesn't mean anyone else will see it. She could be going to a spa, wearing a bikini at a pool, who knows. I'm just saying, don't jump to any conclusions.

[ironMan]

Thanks Hope. Thanks is a comforting thought. I was kind of thinking it might be possible as well. Although, what others have said is true too .... nothing I can do about it.

She isn't having sex with me either way and still thinks she doesn't want to be with me.

Not sure where she'll take this ship. I can only steer mine.

[sandi2]

Mom called today and said "we needed some time, but just lately we are more at peace with whatever is going to happen. W can come up with the family this weekend if she wants to"

That's good. Like I said, it hurts the hearts of parents with grown children, just like the ones with very young children.

I'll throw this in also, parents of adults learn to tolerate a lot more than they ever dreamed possible...simply b/c they want the son/daughter to be happy. It's not easy to put up with an in-law who is a ring-tail tooter...much less deal with them when they've inflicted pain to your child.

So, now they have had some time to deal with their own emotions and realize what they have to do......and, that's to tell their DIL she's welcome to come.

[2stepboogie]

Hey IronMan I totally lost track of your thread with the new name. you posted on my old thread and I saw the BITS signature and came to check your sicth as I read I realized who you were.

So she is going to Chicago and sprucing up? Cool. Means nothing in my book. I think you have always been one of the best examples of the DB principles I am sorry I lost track the new name through me off but I like it!

[ironMan]

Thanks 2step.

Yeah .... she acted quite odd over the weekend. She texted pobably 15 times, called 5 times. All to "talk to the baby". Some of them were just to talk to the baby ... mind you ... the baby is not yet 2 and isn't much for talking on the phone.

I had a good weekend with my parents. I did have quite a bit of anxiety over the family being torn apart ... and some anger towards her for doing this. But, I really do believe at more core that she has to go out into "the wildernest" and figure out if that's better for her. Whatever that entails.

And when she gets back ... I may or may not be interested in letting her back in. Right now, I almost feel like no. How could I ever trust her again?

But, I'm quite certain that bridge is a long ways away. In the meantime I'm starting a new job, getting the house ready to go for sale, and figuring out what to do next. She always complained about the house ... and my job being where it was. So I'm dropping the rope on her. I bet she falls down.

[Denver_2010]

Good attitude Ironman! Drop that rope and let her realize that you are no longer on the other end!

BITS
Denver

[FellOnBlackDays]

Yep, good attitude, buddy. I like your thinking. Hang in there!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD