Me: 46 She: 41 Married: 6 months Together: 4 years Bomb dropped on me: 3 months ago.
She says we don't have the kind of passion or chemistry we desire, she has paid $250 to download a divorce kit online, said her next step is to get the documents notarized and than present them to me.
Extended-disco version remix at this link, but I have learned a lot lately and for me this nerw thread is where the action is.
How could I expect my wife and I to keep our vows and promises to each other, when I had not even set any vows or standards for myself.
What must I now do, to not only set, but also keep some new vows for myself, and hold a higher standard for myself?
After all, that is what my WAW is showing that she is totally committed to doing for herself?
Mike's first 3 vows: (I am repeating these vows and "stacking anchors" every morning. Will explain what that means in a moment, because for me it's really helping.)
1. I am an outstanding Husband, Father, Friend, Lover and Partner.
2. I take extremely good care of my mind and body.
3. I am financially responsible.
Each morning, I not only repeat my vows, I look for evidence and continue stacking the positive feelings on top of each other. For example, I say:
I am an outstanding Husband. "How do I know I am an outstanding husband?" Then I answer it with whatever evidence I come up with. "And how does that make me feel?" I ask. Which gets me feeling even better. It puts me in control.
If I ask a question that I cannot find a positive vibe or feeling for, then I ask, what COULD I do feel that way today?
For example, right now I really don't feel like I am financially responsible, because there is too many things that I am still avoiding.
So I pick one little thing and I focus on the positive aspects of that, I am gentle with myself while continuing to move forward and improve.
I started doing this after speaking with my DB coach. Chuck said I needed to get a life and stop filtering everything though what I think my wife would think.
He said I needed to find something that puts a bounce in my step, because right now my WAW has two beleiefs driving her behavior.
1) She believes she knows me. 2) She believes I cannot change.
Because she thinks she knows, because she thinks I cannot change, and because she knows she is unhappy, the only solution she can see right now is to leave.
The fact is she is trapped. She is not free to see any other point of view. Other than leaving, she cannot (yet) consider any other way of getting her need fulfilled. He only truth right now is that she can't get there with me.
These are some of her beliefs that I must consistently dispel until the job is done.
To begin, I must adopt even stronger beliefs within myself.
