Paroled !!! MLC prison no more!!!

[MHL]

I cried about the end of my marriage for the first time today in months. It did not last long and I know that it will not be the last time, like many other things I have come to accept it and allow myself to fully experience the emotions I am feeling, that is the person I have become......

One that is not afraid to say, "I have feelings and I experience those feelings fully.....no matter what they are."

Today my marriage of 17 years ended quietly at 9:50 am in a courtroom in front of 40 strangers I did not know. There was no emotion in the moment, I sat there on the stand and answered the judge's questions about the mundane facts of my marriage and separation, as my wife of almost 18 years looked on from the table.

When were you married?
May 1, 1993

When were you separated?
August 25, 2009

Have you remained separated the entire time?
yes

Are there any children from the marriage?
yes, 2

Are there any unresolved issues?
no

And with that the marriage was over.

I never looked at my W in the face and when we left the courtroom I went in an opposite direction, no good bye, no see you later......nothing.

I am purposely keeping my distance....for me.

I immediately felt anger towards her but it did not burn, it was more of a "disappointing anger", I looked back at the past and all that was lost and/or wasted and that is when the anger started to fade into sadness. As I got into the car I broke down into tears.....I did not hold them back and they left me after a short time.

I know the memories of my marriage are not lost or wasted but that is what you think about in the moment. After thinking about it the sadness comes from knowing that the relationship that was built around those memories is over......a building that is left unfinished not necessarily torn down but rather just stopped......permanently.

I am processing many feelings right now and I am going to take a while to let myself move through these emotions fully. I am reflecting on my life and how this marriage will fit into it as a whole.

My life is not and was not my marriage......it takes a long time to realize that........a real loooonnnnngggg time. Now that it is over, my marriage is another event in my life, just like childhood, highschool, college, work, children, etc. they all are part of my life but no one thing, no one event and no one person makes up MY LIFE.

My Life is moving forward and I take with me the experiences of my life and those people that were and are in it with me.....they are all a part of what makes my life a GOOD LIFE.

I have to come back to and remember that no matter what happens.....

Life is Good, and it is Good to be Alive.

I will be back but may take a little while to work on ME a little. This place and the people that come here are nothing short of amazing, I hope that by sharing my experience and journey that others may benefit.

I remember posting early on that I hoped that one day I would be a success story.....

Well, my marriage did not turn out the way I wanted it to but I definitely can say......

My Story is a Success.

Cheers

~Chris