Hope, you wouldn't last a second in a convent, so I would hold off on those vows. You have goals and dreams that do not involve the convent.
I wish to God, I could get you to talk to my mom. Your story and hers are so very similar it is frightening.
I have a big problem with the fact that you don't trust your gut. I completely understand it being so confusing at times because of all the craziness going on, but we all have these basic gut instincts when moments of clarity come. You are telling me that this isn't happening. Has your past beaten you down so much that you've gotten to the point that you don't trust yourself anymore? These things that happened to you, these relationships that happened, they aren't your fault. People in your life made bad decisions in their own lives. And sometimes, we aren't going to see that until it happens. People change. Listen, I spent much of my life being a commitment phobe. I dated my husband better than 8 years before I married him. But, I wouldn't ever, ever, ever, consider leaving him. I mean that is just so different from who I started out to be in life.
I really apologize if I'm getting too personal and if I am, tell me to back off. Did your first H and you begin having problems when you lost your son?
