I will attempt not sound like a hypocrite while I talk to you, because this is a conversation I could be having with myself one day.
The first part of your post must have been hard to write, I commend you for having the courage to write it. I have so many thoughts going through my head right now my post will come across as somewhat of a ramble mess.
Everyone suffers from infidelity (now I call it that because while you are still M there is no other name for it) you feel the betrayal the sickness and a range of other emotions. I think however for guys like us the pain takes a special meaning. I don't mean that we suffer more or less than the next person but because we are men of huge egos, this news comes as a sword that pierces the soul. It is the all consuming thought. I know, because I have been there.
After two years of M to my first W I learn that my "son" was not my "son" through his grandmother. She wanted to know why she couldn't spend more time with her grandson and came to my house to ask me that while W was at work. That is how I found out. She saw the shock in my face and knew right away I was clueless. She told me the whole story. My world had collapsed, not because he was not my son in my mind he was mine and still is, because she had betrayed me and lived with the betrayal for so long. That was the biggest blow I could have received. Why do I tell you this story?
Because after the news we stayed together for another 3yrs. I chose to move forward and try and forgive. I had no idea if I could, I felt disgust, but I tried. Something funny happened in my efforts.........I started to really forgive her. Eventually this was a non factor in my life. The M finally ended when she strayed again at that point I chose NOT to forgive her. This is a process and it takes a long time to get there.
The next few days you might have the feeling of joy and the feeling of pain all wrapped into one. It is normal. I have mentioned many times in my thread and in others that I have my deal breakers, this is it, this is the one thing I don’t think I can recover from. I say that and yet a part of me thinks that I love my W so much that just maybe I can recover from it. I don’t know. I do know this……..
You came here in pain and broken. You wanted to know how to get your W back. Along the way you learned many things about your W and about yourself and for that you will be a better man and a better H but you have not accomplished your goal just yet. The real journey begins now if you chose to take it. This is the part of the journey that if I ever get to, I know I will have the greatest challenges. Now is when you put your money where your mouth is. You have come this far. Will you stop just before the beginning? I don’t think so. I think you will be ok my friend.
