Shine on you crazy diamond...

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS,
I have been having a pretty good string of days the last couple of days. No crying, sleeping OK, eating like a horse and working out like mad. But one thing keeps plaguing my mind all day long and so I need to get it out and look for some words of wisdom.

I know I am "putting the cart before the horse" here, but I am worried about something. One of the biggest problems in my marriage was the following:

1) W would get her heart set on something.
2) I would not agree or would belittle what she wanted because I didn't agree that it was needed.
3) We would argue.
4) Eventually, in most cases, I would finally relent, but act like an ass about it for a period.
5) W would get what she wanted.
6) Object or thing would not turn out to be what she expected or it disappointed her in some way.
7) FOBD, being the uncaring *ss that he was would then relentlessly shove it in her face. Use statements like, "I tried to tell you that wouldn't be what you wanted, but you had to have it so deal with it." Or, "Well, I am not giving you a dime to clean up that mess because I told you it was a bad idea." So on and so forth.

This went on for years. Why? Because, as stated earlier, I was a heartless jack*ss to be married to at times. Now my point. I am soooooooooo very scared that this is burning in her mind right now. Even if she would eventually begin to have feelings of returning to our M, she probably would delay it or bury those feelings because she is scared of the hell she thinks she is going to have to face. She wanted the S and I fought like hell to stop it. I know she is going to think about this. "Well, I would love to go back to him, but what price will I pay considering he tried to stop me from leaving?"

How do I talk to her about this??? How do I let her know that things will be different this time? How do I put her fears to rest that there will be no reprisals for returning? I know my W and I know she will let this weigh heavily on her decision should she reach that point. Yes, it is very early to think about such things. But, I have no idea how to tell her that she need not fear this. Ladies, what would you like to hear from a man that is very sorry for his actions? How would I make you understand that there will be no "salting of wounds" should she want to come back home?

Every sitch is different. For some folks, this kind of a thing may not matter. But, in my sitch, this will be a huge hurdle that will block any kind of reconciliation for my M. It was always a problem and I know that it will play into her decision.

If you were in my shoes, how would you phrase it?

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD