Is he cake eating right now? What are the interactions between the two of you while he is there? What is his purpose for coming? What do you want to accomplish from this visit?
These are question I would ask myself. I think you had mentioned earlier in your thread how you were distant from him if that is the case is a 180 to be closer? FOBD went through this part I didn’t when my W left she left!
Keep it simple tonight if he shows. Didn’t you mention something to me about patience tonight? Well, patience dear Lis. I am curious as to why he is coming. I would only let him come if you feel right about doing it. DB is what works and eliminating what hasn’t been working.
Calm Consistent Patience Validate Self-Respect Keep those close tonight
Thank God for you people, that's all I have to say.
Well, at first he called 2.5 hours ago (5 minutes after I left office) to say that he was afraid the roads would refreeze and asked if it was ok if he stayed. I kind of hemmed and hawed (beat me later, ok?) and said ok. He said he would call me back and let me know.
Well the roads were fine! So, then he says he went to get dry cleaning and stuff to fix my closet. He just fixed the closet and now is cleaning out closet... ok... THIS NEVER HAPPENS.
We don't talk about R... I frankly avoid this at all costs.
Yup, I'm distant. My 180 is not to be.
I don't know what cake-eating really means??? Not in relation to my sitch. Seriously, I need you folks to really talk me through this. He's lonely. He's in bad shape. If I welcome him here, is that cake-eating? If so, what do I do?
If you are distant what happens if you get closer? I'm on my phone on my way to dinner but I will keep checking up on u.
Ok so if you are distant maybe get closer a little bit. No physical but u know what I mean. He might be trying to get closer to u if u push him away or stay distant he might stop trying and you'll be left with two people one natutlrally distant and the other forced to be.
Thank him for his help be polite and patient. One the things that drive me crazy about my W is the fact that she is so nice. I can't hate a woman is nice and pleasant to be around. Work on being that person. Be fun to be around and make sure when he leaves that he is reminded of the person he M
Seriously, what the heck is wrong with me??? I didn't thank him for the closet. That is such a freaking problem for me. I expect him to do his part. What kind of crap is that??? I mean I complain he treated me like cleaning up after him was my job and I do the same thing!
Ok, so he just walked out to get dinner. He dropped off his dry cleaning here???
I talked to him about work, about the cat, about my dad, about nothing. Just kept smiling and keeping eye contact. I have to stay off computer while he's here. He used to say that whenever he was around, I was always reading, on the computer or whatever but never just "with him."
Oh and he made plans for coming here on Saturday to help me clean up???
So, am I doing the wrong or right thing? Is being welcoming cake-eating? I don't want to screw this up... I'm such an idiot.
You are doing the wrong thing, at least how u are describing it. He told you, you always stayed on the pc and not with him. He wants your attention and to protect yourself you are pushing away. It's ok stay calm I'm here with you.
Remember to stay calm make him glad for coming. You are standoffish and I understand this you have to protect your heart but the way you describe it he is making an attempt let him. Maybe he is the one that needs the validating.
Ok, so he brought dinner. I thanked him for the closet and thanked him for dinner. I helped with the closet too. Told him I was excited about using power tools. He laughed.
He just left again... but is coming back. Went to go get dinner for roommate's daughter. I don't know if he is staying. But I'm trying to be upbeat and happy. I run out of things to say. I'm not much of a talker. I really enjoy listening to others. It's like my grandpa always used to say, "I already know what I know, I want to know what everyone else knows." That's me. Not always good, though.
I have stayed off of pc and away from all books while he is here. He wants to stay. I know that. I don't know why I know that, but I do. He can't find a reason. His pride is definitely in the way. I so understand that! Next step: figure out the pride thing.
God, I seriously feel like such a moron here... ok, gotta go again before I get caught...
2Step, I so owe you... I know I already said that, but I DO.
