Sparks the thing is there was a reason she felt she needed to find what she was lacking outside of the marriage
I am NOT saying an affair is ever justified
I am asking you to maybe ask her what she needed, what you could have done better, what she wanted more of or less of and then LISTEN
don't think of ways or reasons to justify why you did things the way you did them...
that is an "I'm sorry but" which is not really an I'm sorry
it's an I'm sorry you were wrong
who cares how many or what people said they would be gone???
I always said I would be gone too but that isn't what made me leave
that wasn't my end
now is not the time to play martyr...to give that wide eyed blinking bit and say "but I am a good person and believe in marriage and so it doesn't matter to me what she did"
now is the time for the steely glare and the "this is my marriage, my life and the woman I love. I would appreciate you not speaking this way about her to me."
you can't undo the fact that you told people
you can stop them from telling you want a saint you are because they would be gone
this is where the metal meets the road
does your need to be the righteous martyr long-standing husband without a bad bone in his body
trump
your need to be the stand up fighting for the life you want and willing to be the bad guy in order for it to happen guy?
