Yes, DB works, and it is your best bet to get things back on track. The phone coaching here is fantastic as well, so I recommend it heartily, if you can afford it. On second thought, given what's at stake, how can you not afford it?
But I will say this at the risk of getting reprimanded by the moderators, because I don't really see it being mentioned here much.
A man must be a man, for his woman. Crying, acting submissive, submitting to her every whim...those behaviours will make her lose respect for you. I know, I've done it myself and saw the result. Not good.
You can DB and still be a man. Show leadership, be decisive, and be consistent in your actions. You can still admit fault, and still do everything Michelle tells you to do in the book. But you can do it without sacrificing your masculinity. And this does NOT mean being a bully, always being 'right', or any of those ugly stereotypes we all know. There's a difference between being an alpha male and an alpha dog.
There is an author named David Cunningham who will tell you step-by-step how to do this. Google him, you won't regret it.
His principles work hand-in-hand with DB principles, and tell you how to trigger attraction in your partner, and more importantly, the things we all do to kill attraction. No attraction, no spark. No spark, eventually no marriage...if she doesn't leave you, you will end up just being her friend and shopping buddy.
His stuff has helped me just as much as DB has.
So guys...sack up and act like a man. No woman likes a crybaby.
Peace out!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
WOW, I can't believe it will soon be ONE YEAR since I started this thread.
The good news: We are still together, still totally in love, and everything is better than "back to normal".
The bad news: None
I am here to say - don't give up hope. Unless you are 100% sure there is no spark, no interest, and you have tried 'everything', including DB coaches, books, changing your behavior to be more authentic to you and your partner - then there is still a chance you can have the same results as my wife and I.
All the best to everyone!!
M
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Still doing awesome - no bumps in the road whatsoever! It gets better every single day. I am confident that neither of us will fall back on the behaviors and responses that got us to that horrible place where separation was the only option.
Not saying every sitch can be turned around, but for those where there WAS a deep emotional connection and it has been lost, well, sometimes those dying embers can be fanned back into a flame.
Hang in there guys and gals.
M
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Things are better than good...we are in LOVE, baby!
I just spent an hour reading a bunch of my old threads - I was in rough shape back then. But, I got a lot of support here, which I appreciate more than I can say. Thank you.
The communication is fabulous, the sex is awesome, and we will be moving overseas to a tropical paradise in a couple of months. The beaches and palm trees will be a welcome change
I still can't believe that W and I went through this, and came out better for it.
Just in case there is still anyone around from (believe it or not) FIVE years ago....
Everything is 10/10. Whatever got into her, to make her fall head over heels into MLC, appears to be gone completely. She is fully committed to the relationship.
Whatever got into me, to make her lose interest in ME, also appears to be gone completely. I am (and obviously, always was!) fully committed to the relationship.
We have moved from Canada to a tropical island, and the change in climate has only increased the opportunities to do things outdoors. Cycling, paddleboarding, boating...or just sitting on a beach. We can do it all here.
The only reason I post this is to give hope to those just entering this difficult experience, or to those who are part way through it and just can't see light at the end of the tunnel.
If you stick to the principles religiously, you CAN make lasting, meaningful changes that will make you a better and more interesting person - either for your departed spouse or for the next relationship.
But the main person you make the changes for is YOURSELF. That is what makes the difference.
Good luck and keep DB'ing, friends!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
In fact, I just went and read some of your earlier posts. You came here to this board just a few months before I did. Like you, I won my wife back after going through uttermost Hell. It took me longer than you, but I had a EA/PA to deal with as well as W moving in with an OM.
However, THIS struck me earlier in your piecing thread more than anything else:
Originally Posted By: Minkerman
But I will say this at the risk of getting reprimanded by the moderators, because I don't really see it being mentioned here much.
A man must be a man, for his woman. Crying, acting submissive, submitting to her every whim...those behaviours will make her lose respect for you. I know, I've done it myself and saw the result. Not good.
You can DB and still be a man. Show leadership, be decisive, and be consistent in your actions. You can still admit fault, and still do everything Michelle tells you to do in the book. But you can do it without sacrificing your masculinity. And this does NOT mean being a bully, always being 'right', or any of those ugly stereotypes we all know. There's a difference between being an alpha male and an alpha dog.
There is an author named David Cunningham who will tell you step-by-step how to do this. Google him, you won't regret it.
His principles work hand-in-hand with DB principles, and tell you how to trigger attraction in your partner, and more importantly, the things we all do to kill attraction. No attraction, no spark. No spark, eventually no marriage...if she doesn't leave you, you will end up just being her friend and shopping buddy.
His stuff has helped me just as much as DB has.
So guys...sack up and act like a man. No woman likes a crybaby.
Peace out!
I too got David Cunningham's book as a result of Sandi2's recommendation, read it and religiously applied his principles. I can honestly say that without his material I would never have reconciled with my wife. Not a chance in the world.
His material is 100% DB if you consider that DB is two things:
1. Use what works 2. Reject what doesn't work
I used what worked (masculinity) and did my damnedest to reject what didn't (wussiness, meekness, being supplicating, grovelling, accommodating, pleasing and..... verbal abuse and selfishness)
Great job. Do come and post an update here every now and again.
Best,
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
