Not Counting Chickens Yet...

[Denver_2010]

I can forgive the dating site stuff (am trying to anyway)...

Good! If you really think about it what does it really mean? It means nothing in the big picture I told you I did it because it was exciting and fun but I never intended to do anything other than stroke my own ego, maybe it was not being stroked at home hmmmm something to think about.

"I'm doing it only because I love you and want to make this work, not for any other reason".

This guy is my brother! Few words and few explanations what he is saying, in his mind, should be enough. If it wasn’t so he wouldn’t say it. “How can she not get it. I am telling her the truth. I am telling her I love her. If she still feels like talking about it that is her problem. I can’t be anymore clear” This is in his head. I bet you a box of doughnuts. Is it right? NO. The important to remember is that he is not doing it from a place of negativity or disregarding your feelings, he just doesn’t know what works for him. Ignorance, and blindness is a common disease among us men.

He did get defensive and ask me why I won't let it go since he told me that the panties belonged to the XW twice (on the phone yesterday and this morning).

Hello me, meet the real me! I said this to my W on more than one occasion “W I don’t understand why we are having the same conversation over and over. I’ve told you how I felt about this and you should not worry about that. I don’t get why we need to have the same convo 100 times? You are going to have to deal with it because I am sick of talking about it” Sound familiar?

So here I am. I don't feel comfortable with his answer but I don't think I'll ever get a different answer. So now I have to choose to believe him and DB and try to make this work or choose not to trust him and move on.

That is 100% right sweetie it is your choice.

I am good at finding the problem but not so good and showing solutions. I got it, he can too, but what will it take? That part I don’t know. I hope this helps.

What 2Step said Hope. He and I seem to be on a very similar brain wave... and so is your H.

One thing that I haven't mentioned on this board, is that about 2 years into w and I's R (not M), we 'broke up' for about 48 hours. During that 48 hours I reactivated a match.com profile that I had used a few years before.

W found it, sent me a message from a fake girl that she had created on the site. I didn't reply to that bc I wasn't really interested in dating... I was still interested in my W/GF...

W still confronted me on this and nearly ended our R. To this day, she still brings that up as a reason that she doesn't completely trust me!!

And I understand that. I just can't take it back.

Second... If you have read the entirety of my threads, you will see some emails that I kept, like an idiot, from an ex girlfriend. The emails were VERY sexually explicit. They were sent to me about 2 years into my R with my W (about the same time as the match.com thing). I NEVER acted on the emails (they were basically an invite to cheat on W/GF). But I kept the stupid things bc they fed my ego. I didn't look at them for years, and had actually forgotten that they were still on my email account.

W got into my email account a few days before she left me... why, I don't know. Probably looking for more validation for her leaving me. Well she found it when she found those emails. Yes, they were 5 years old, but all she saw was that they occurred during our R.

We guys who have the 'ego' problem are prone to doing some things like this. Even without actually cheating. This is me.

This may be your H as well.

Or, he may be cheating. I really can't give you a good answer to this question as I don't know your H personally. I just know the characteristics that you write about.

Only you can really reach deep down inside yourself and find the true answer.

Yes, it is hard to trust your instincts right now. But that is all you have with this.

The one thing that I can tell you is that he will NEVER admit to it if he has cheated. NEVER.

JMO.

BITS
Denver