IRS problems is something my W complained about with me also. I owe a lot and she in the beginning she complained about how she was carrying a debt from the IRS that was not even hers. This was a big negative for her.
This week I secured a loan to pay it off and it will be paid in full by next Friday. I called to tell her and she thanked me.
How can you turn a negative into a positive?
This is tricky and something I have to work with all the time.
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I vented about my accountant having not taken care of that for me yet.
Way too early to vent to her, right now all you want to do is open up the lines and leave them open, the time for venting will come.
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but she kept me on the phone by trying to think of what else she wanted to tell me.
This is a good step my friend. Right now you should have two goals. Make the conversation simple and positive, and when she hangs up the phone she should feel good because she spoke to you. She shouldn’t feel like you were able to get a load off your chest or be reminded of the negatives.
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"OK well I should get off of here"
Good you cut the conversation short but this is something I do, I am by no means a model of success but I think it is important. “OK I appreciate you taking the time to talk about these things. Call me sometime if you like.”
You said the same thing but you ended the conversation with an open invite. I have done it both ways, when I end the convo and just say goodbye I don’t hear from her in a few days, when I leave the convo open she will usually text or call back.
Make sense?
I remember the beginning stages of my W and I talking, it was hard and confusing. I thought “should I say this or that” well little by little I have improved and I still have a LONG way to go but I think it is getting better. Put a smile on your face when you talk to your W, this makes you sound pleasant on the phone. It’s an old trick they teach telemarketers. Sometimes when I catch myself serious I will put a smile on my face to sound softer.
The first few interactions will be short and very superficial but those are the seeds of future talks and you must accept them for what they are.
Stay positive Smile Let her speak Ask open ended questions Your life is great………but not too great…….you are just peaceful Encourage Always leave the convo open for future interactions ALWAYS END ON A GOOD NOTE. VALIDATE VALIDATE VALIDATE when the time comes.
Use my thread as a blue print of what to do and what not to do. I try and post as much specific as possible so that I can get honest critique from others.
