The last of the girls wishes you a a DB'g kick a$$ time tonight. Keep in the forefront what Hope has mentioned. Also, remember if what you are doing and saying is getting you closer to your goal or more away from it.
Good luck - you deserve it! Can't wait to hear about it!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
You have learned so much and I hope that your W will see it all.
Lets hope for a lifetime of clarity.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
denver-heck yeah! You are getting some great positive vibes here. You may even want to come to the board just before to make sure your head is on straight.
I'm wishing you the best!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Thanks everyone... so much. Your words of encouragement mean so much... the fact that all of you care, means even more.
I'm not going to lie, I am very nervous about the dinner with my W tonight. I mostly fear the unknown. What is she going to tell me about where she is at in her mind and in her heart at this moment? What is she going to tell me about her experiences since we have been apart?
W rattled me a bit this morning. It is probably nothing at all, but I texted her while she was at work telling her where I thought we should go to dinner. It is about 10-15 minutes from where we live. She responded that the place was fine. I texted her back to and asked her shall be go together or meet? She responded back that she could meet me.
I guess it rattles me bc I don't understand why she wouldn't want to go together. I'm so wrapped up in worrying about what she is going to tell me. Is she wanting to meet bc she knows that she has something to tell me that I will take badly and doesn't want to have to ride with me back to our part of town?
I hate this feeling so much. I feel sick.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Breathe there! 95% of all your worst case scenarios will NOT happen. Why expect the worst. Why rehearse the worst? You KNOW it's never going to turn out exactly the way you expect. She's meeting you. That's good. You're going to share a meal in a public place. That's good too! You don't know what she's going to say. So, do you know whenever you meet someone exactly what they're going say?
Rein those runaway horses in!
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I guess it rattles me bc I don't understand why she wouldn't want to go together. I'm so wrapped up in worrying about what she is going to tell me. Is she wanting to meet bc she knows that she has something to tell me that I will take badly and doesn't want to have to ride with me back to our part of town?
Get your head out of your a$$ and stay focused. She does not want to go with you. SO what? Meet her there with a big smile but also very calm.
I am telling you denver if you try to jump in both feet first she will be spooked and you will be back to square one. You are spending too much time analyzing her reactions and responses to be clear headed.
Y "hey W how's 6PM at this place?"
W "That's fine"
Y "Great see you there"
End of convo. No pressure no expectations and no suffocating her.
Go in with this mind frame.
I am a great guy I am handsome, funny, intelligent, and compassionate I have made mistakes and I hope to correct them If I am not given a second chance I will be fine and so will she I do not own her she is her own person
Sounds a little silly I know but if you say that in your head it just might put you in a calmer state. You know she is already cautious so for the rest of the day do what you have to do and get ready for your dinner.
I know you are nervous, he!! I am nervous for you. Expectations tend to ruin everything, think of this as the first street sign you have seen on a long journey not the destination.
I'm not going to lie, I am very nervous about the dinner with my W tonight. I mostly fear the unknown. What is she going to tell me about where she is at in her mind and in her heart at this moment? What is she going to tell me about her experiences since we have been apart?
What if...
What if...
What if....
What if a Frog had wings...Would it bump its a$$ when it hopped ?
Don't let those demons play man....
It could be anything, it could be nothing, it could be something......
Whatever it is....
She should be meeting the "new" Denver tonight...
The one whose actions speak way louder than his words...
When he does speak...
His words are chosen, not just belted out..
The one who expects nothing more than a nice dinner with a pretty lady...
One who seeks to understand before he tries to be understood..
That's the Denver that she should see...
You were asking about a "middle ground" yesterday....
I am a great guy I am handsome, funny, intelligent, and compassionate I have made mistakes and I hope to correct them If I am not given a second chance I will be fine and so will she I do not own her she is her own person
Sounds a little silly I know but if you say that in your head it just might put you in a calmer state
Totally agree here, BUT SAY IT OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF. Preferably in front of a mirror as you look at yourself, at least 9 times.
Why? 1-3 times for quick recall that's instantly forgotten 3-6 times to remember it for a short time 9 times or more you will have to really work to forget it.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
oh denver i know the feeling all to well and really it is at these times when we think the worst you need to start thinking positive right now i like what 2step said you ARE all those things (handsome, intelligent, compassionate) BE all of those things tonight
no matter what goes down, remember, you are in this for the long haul and what goes down, might just be beautiful try to put yourself in a good place
remember that we are basically animals and can smell desperation you are not desperate you are funny, cute and give great advice so pretend i am meeting my husband tonight what would you tell me?
