W in long PA with another woman. I'm devastated.

[sparks14]

This is what you want.....


How many of these do you show ?

Wow. Now that is where the self discovery really kicks in. I see your importance here. I can only change myself and express the qualities. I can force them in my marriage. I cannot force my wife to instantly to change and hold these qualities. I cannot even imagine that any of these qualities would be included on her own list.

The problem with this, is that you are assuming your wife feels the same way...

The damage this caused her is just as painful as the damage she caused you..

Yes, YOU can put it out of your mind, but you have to allow that to be her decision when/if she is ready to as well....

And yes, you said put them behind US..../\ /\ /\

That goes back to my current feeling. Is the hurt from discovering my wife's affair REALLY equal to the hurt of the deception of checking her email? I can agree that damage has been done and both of us will need to work to fix that damage. Let's also hope that while fixing that damage, we make the foundation stronger as well to prevent future damage.

Sparks, I do not personally know you. With that, let me say that anyone that tells me to trust them....sends up multiple red flags for me...

It is easy to say that it is over....

They are just words my friend....

Until you can look in the mirror and figure out WHY it was there to begin with...You may be beating a dead horse here..

So let me ask you...WHY was there just as much deceit from you as there was from her...

This isn't Tit for Tat here..


Fear?

Control ?

????

Maybe my originals words were to optimistic and short. I understand this is a two way street. It is also potentially a very long one at that. It is easy to say, let's put that in the past and move forward.

I know this long road is going to include us asking how this happened in the first place. How was our relationship vulnerable? What was missing? How were we not connecting? I am up for marriage rebuilding. At this point, though, I am not sure if she is in fact ready to answer those questions. She is still not sure of her own sexual orientation. Right now, she wants to work on co-parenting more than anything, becuase she is just not in a place to start making decisions on our marriage improvement. Hopefully, rebuilding some of that trust and forgiveness will put us in a better place in the long run where the decision she faces will have a positive outcome on each side.

Would you mind clarifying the deceit comment? Are you talking about why was there deceit from her to have an affair to begin with? Are you still talking about my deceit to check her email?

I'm sure you don't know how she feels....




These answers aren't really for me bro....they are for you.

I hope you can reflect and find them...

Sometimes these things hurt. They did for me, and although I can't speak for them...I'm certain they did for Cat, Figgy, J3B, etc....


I see you met Figgy......Good move, she's a smart cookie...

Hey Fig : )

You are right. I don't know how she feels. It will take much improved communication on both sides for her and I to get to a point where these discussions can occur.

Right now, I need to find them in me. That happens first. This is also why I am going through Divorce Remedy with highlighter in hand really studying this approach.

Glad to meet Fig. If Mach is calling you a smart cookie, I should be honored that you would stop by and help me work through some of this. Thank you.