You're right, I was on the verge of just that. Then I miraculously landed here.
I just had to stop and take a time out.
I was so focused on trying to figure out what was wrong, that I lost myself for a time. I made the situation worse with the constant-what is going on? Why are you so angry? What is happening? Then running interference with the kids-nightmare.
As far as getting help from his brothers...never going to happen. One lives out of state and the other hardly sees his own children. My h isn't even speaking to him.
The kids have been great about helping around the house. In the last 6 weeks they have stepped up to the plate and I am very proud of them. They unload the dishwasher, fold clothes and start laundry. With three teenage daughters the amount of laundry is sometimes overwhelming. It seems like it's a-sexual and has reproduced on it's own overnight!
My husband doesn't help with housework and never has. He doesn't cut the grass, pay bills, take out the trash, clean up after himself-nothing. He has a job, is what I have been told. Which was something that was mildly irritating before and is now just infuriating. It was one thing to put up with before, when I was his whole world, but a whole other ball game when he started acting like a selfish a$$. Hmmm, but he's always been kind of a selfish a$$. It was just easier to swallow before. I worry about the example I am giving my children. In some ways I have allowed him to act like this, in other ways no. Last year I had the great Sock Revolt of 2010. I placed all of his socks in the laundry basket and told him he could match them himself and put them away. They stayed next to his chair on the floor for 5 months. 5 months of griping, complaining and down right rudeness until I spent 30 minutes matching the socks and putting them away. He definitely has an arrogant streak and always has.
I think that since this MLC lulu land funhouse started I have taken ahold of a microscope as well and begun to dissect him too. I have stopped that and am just looking at me. What are my responsibilities for getting us here? What do I need to do to take care of ME again?
I lost my voice and my footing in the last 16 months, but I'm finding it again. I realized right before I found myself here that I wasn't even as connected to the kids any more. They would come in to tell me something and I would uh huh and hmmm. I have amazing kids and a really great relationship with them, but my mind has been so focused on h and what is wrong that I haven't LISTENED to them. Those girls have always told me everything- things I do NOT want to know. (: But I've always been safe. I need to be safe for them again.
What do I want to do? Well, I am building my own business this year. I have painted murals in friends houses and my own kids rooms for many years. I am now focusing on faux finishing and I really love it. I've taken some classes and done some rooms in my own home. I am really excited about it. I have some furniture pieces for sale at a local shop. I just might be able to take care of myself financially, should it come to that!
I've been asked to sing for a local church and I'm going to do that as well. Might lead some Bible studies too. That all feeds my soul which I have not done in a very long time. Three years now. Time for me again.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for replying to my sitch. I obviously needed to get some of this off my chest. I was going to say-I'm ok, thanks honey. Then I just started writing.
I am amazed by this community and the support that I receive. There is so much comfort in just not being alone.
