You were ignorant. There was a communication breakdown. Instead of trying different ways of getting through to you she just quietly cried herself to sleep.
I can so relate to your position here. My XH acted like everyting was perfectly fine for almost 2 years. He says he was just acting like everything was fine because he was hoping that would make everything go back to normal, but the only person he didn't have fooled was himself. Everyone else, including me, had NO CLUE anything was wrong, until I found out about his PA and then when I confronted him he told me he wanted to S. But it was my fault I wasn't a good enough mind reader to know that he was unhappy.
It's so frustrating. You look back and you see the times they were sad, mad, or grumpy, and wonder why you didn't realize what was going on. In my case, it was because my XH when asked what was wrong would reply, bad day at work, going back to school and dealing with immature selfish kids is horrible, other drivers are horrible, etc etc etc. He never said it was about me or us, even though he now claims that was always the underlying problem.
Anyways, I guess the point of my rambling post is that you can't make it all your fault. Both of you contributed to the mess you are in. Stereotypically, women talk more. When men don't listen, they talk more and/or louder. And hearin gthe same complaint but not having a consequence makes it seem less like a serious complaint. And stereotypically, men don't respond to that, they respond to actions, like her leaving. Now instead of hearing the broken record, an action makes it clear that it really is important, that she really means it.
So don't beat yourself up too much for not seeing it before. Your eyes have been opened now and you won't make that mistake in the future.
You can't change the past, so focus on the future. And you have a bright one in store for you!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
