Oh goodness the parallels in our lives are even more profound than I care to expand on right now.
So, with that said, I understand what's next and please forgive me if I offend you. You are on the express route to a nervous breakdown. You need to do whatever you can to get off this train and I mean right NOW.
Ms. Rae, before I say anything further, I want to start with the fact that you are so strong and so brave and there's so much you have done that you really should be commended. I am so deeply sorry about your pain. I wish I could take that away right now.
HOWEVER, you have got to stop right now with what you are doing. You are taking care of family, children and your disrespectful H, that you have COMPLETELY LOST all sense of self. You need to simplify right now. Meaning, what can you cut out? MIL? She's got sons, tell them to get off the a$$es and do something. Children? Well, they have a father too. Tell him to do something. Housework? Let's get everyone involved. Simplify, simplify, simplify. I don't mean to make assumptions about you, but what really bothers me is that you post this thread, then go off and try to take care of everyone else on their threads but you are not here in your own thread trying to get some healing. That's a big problem. And I also fear that this problem led partially to the breakdown going on in your own home. Everyone else is taken care of... where are YOU in all of this? Where are your needs being met?? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I missed it, but I just don't see it.
What do you want to do? What do you dream about doing? What is preventing you from doing those things? Who do you want to be? And when I ask who you want to be, I don't mean in relation to others (i.e. good wife, good mother, etc.), I mean who do you want to be? (i.e. a carefree, novelist, who sings opera, races cars and is able to build an entire house with only your trusty hammer).
Sweetie, honestly, forget about your M for the moment. Just forget it. Forget trying to figure out if he's in a MLC or if it is going to last 2 years or 10 years. Forget it. You really, really need to find yourself. And that might be the thing that brings your M back or it might not. But if you are a shell of a person with your M, what have you gained anyway? I'm seriously worried. I seriously hope you stay on your thread. I seriously hope that all of us can talk through some things with you.
I am praying for you, dear soul. You need a break.
