I'm trying so hard to not have the resentment you talked about, but I can't seem to hold it together for any length of time. What is wrong with me? I know these feelings are the kiss of death for my marriage.
They are the kiss of death as long as you maintain them. You will have them Lis, and you will have them often but they will fade. Mine faded through studying and learning about my W and meeting all of you. I realized 'how can I resent her when I was doing this to her the whole time' I am fortunate she does not resent me. Feeling this is natural, don't be ashame and don't push them away. Feel it!
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I'm so sorry that I am falling apart here. I don't do this. This isn't me. Yet here I am falling apart...
Don't be! I fall apart every Sunday. If you knew me for any length of time you would know that I am not the one who falls apart. I am the one who doesn't cry or show emotions. My SIL (my brothers wife) said to me "I just didn't think you would fall apart like this" boy was she right. I didn't either. It's part of the journey. We are here for you, come talk to us and let us lift you up. You have done it for me over and over.
LIS,
Stay the course and stay strong. Sometimes we feel as if we are idiots for standing for a M that the other person doesn't want but once we acknowledge our role in this and really concentrate on correcting ourselves the feeling of resentment anger or anything negative you may be feeling start to go away.
