26yrs is this the end

[JustStunned]

Kevc, I am not qualified to give advice yet, here I am responding, I’ll tell you what I think and what I am doing.

IMO appearing needy and pursuing will only push her away. She needs to see you as you were when the relationship started. I’ll wager you were more confident, and had personal activities that made you happy. A happy confident spouse is more attractive than a needy one. GAL, this is what I am working on. Involve the children in this.

Detach from the emotions about your sitch to gain control of your reaction to it and your S. This is incredibly difficult to do, it is essential. I am not very attractive as an emotional mess; I doubt anyone of us is.

Determine which of your actions or behaviors caused her to see you as dominating and controlling and 180 it. She needs to see a real 180 here. Telling her about will increase her suspicions it is just a ruse, and she will begin to try and prove this to herself. She will find proof even where none exists. This isn’t about evidence; it is about emotions and perceptions. I never gave my S enough space to be herself. I hovered and had to be involved in most every aspect of her life. This is what she perceived as dominating and controlling. I was not detached enough in the R. It is a fine line that I am trying to learn to walk.

When she brings up R talk validate her feelings/reactions, especially to what caused her to see you as dominating and controlling and apologize sincerely. Do not plead, beg forgiveness, or tell her how much you’ve changed. Validate, Validate, Validate, Apologize then leave it at that. Give her space and time to think, she’ll need this to see your 180s are real.

Post often, but don’t panic when the replies are slow. Read other threads for ideas and to realize you are not alone, get a copy of DR and read it. This is a long rough rollercoaster ride, and sadly there are too many good people on it your W included.