Stuck Like "Crazy" Glue

[ScaredinCanada]

Update:

So last night I wasn't feeling it, just kind of felt down. Was home with the kids trying to enjoy them.

Anyways, they were busy playing, coloring and watching a movie so bedtime came and went. At about 9pm I'd gotten D2 to bed and D5 and D6 were at least in their PJ's after having a bath.

They wanted to back downstairs to make birthday cards for a birthday they are going to on the weekend. I said no at first, and then relented.

W comes in, guess it was a slow night at work because she's never home by 9pm. She wasn't happy at all that the kids were up past their bedtime. I felt guilty - because I knew she'd be angry.

She basically just looked at me and said, "You know they have school in the morning, and you know I'll have trouble getting them up and off to school right?"

I just said, I didn't do it on purpose - but she didn't care. She didn't say another word to me the rest of the night. I got D5 to bed and D6 wanted W to put her to bed, so I let her.

I slinked back downstairs, made the girls lunches and put the hockey game on. I had originally wanted to get to bed earlier, but I had no desire to have my W complain more if I came upto bed with her. So I ended up waiting until 11pm and then went to bed because I knew she would be asleep.

I almost feel as if this is a backslide, because this is something that happened at times in the past because I was not focused on getting the kids to bed - I had other priorities.

I need to livin up, get happy. I feel like right now the ONLY thing that makes me happy is seeing D2 smile or going to the gym.

I now cannot wait for W to go away for a week. 17 days before she goes away, and I feel like crossing each one off the calendar!

Feelings are not so mixed anymore, I feel myself anxious for the split just so I can actually start over and be happy.

I really don't know what I want right now, but am feeling trapped by the sitch. I still love my W, I think about that a lot but I'm starting to feel like I'm not IL with her anymore?!

I'm also craving sex a lot, just think about it a lot. How much I miss it. I'm not going to do anything about it, but it still [censored] to feel this way.