Please help triviolet

[zengypsy]

Triviolet:

I read your thread and that is quite a story. I'm sorry that you are having a tough time of things. You came to the right place; there are alot of us (sadly) who are going through the same things.

I think your first step should be (if you haven't already) gotten Michele's book Divorce Remedy. If your H was willing to go to counseling with you, perhaps he will read the book with you. It can be a learning experience for both of you. Having said that, if he is not willing as of yet to participate in reading the book, then I stongly suggest you read it on your own.
Michele offers great insight in a Chapter about low sex drives; believe it or not, men can suffer hormonal imbalances just like women. I'm not suggesting that it is the case with your H, but it may be a possibility. Alot of men/women do not realize this can be a medical condition which can be treated.

If your H is harboring resentment towards you from what you said when you were 21, I honestly don't know how to address that other than to validate what his feelings about that are. My H is harboring things from the past too and my gut reaction is to get over it already. Dwelling on it is not going to change anything. I've apologized over and over and he still can't seem to let it go. I would love one the board vets to weigh in here and offer some advice.

You face some difficulty in your decisons because of your cultural background. I don't think your situation is as dire as it seems to you. You both have gotten off course over the years and I think you both can back on the same path again.

Start working on yourself. The book will give such insight. If you can afford to perhaps make an appt with one of the DB Coaches. Your H doesn't have to participate initially.

I feel like I haven't offered much, but I wanted to reach out to you, acknowledge your sitch and offer you some starting point.

Please keep posting. I will follow your story.