New and need help.

[ironMan]

Hey Seminole ..... sorry to hear about all this. And sorry you're here. I want to tell you, that we are with you. we have your back and will help you get thru this. I will post more tomorrow. You're probably not able to sleep tonight ... I've been there. Take a walk if you need to ... just don't sit in bed and hurt. You're going to get thru this. We're all here with you buddy.

[2stepboogie]

Seminole,

I am sorry it took me so long to visit your thread listen we have all been here in some form or another, now is NOT the time to fall apart. I know you are hurting brother, I have cried the tears and I have folded like a lawn chair in my kitchen floor for an hour weeping like a small child. That is OK! The days will get less dark and the sun WILL come out tomorrow. Only you can decide what deal breakers are but I will refrain from making those decisions while you are feeling this heartbreak and in a state of anger. Decisions like these are better left for when you have a clear mind and a healed heart.

I thought I was ready to DB my rear off and I failed miserably

.

My man this takes practice and it requires more discipline than you could possibly imagine at this point. I have been trying for months and I still screw it up. Check out my thread and you can see for yourself. Be patient with yourself but most importantly because of the volatile nature of your sicth you need a time out. You need to give her space and you need space DO NOT contact her unless it has something to do with the kids.

Her email is written in anger but the more you go after her the angrier she will become. You need to GET IT and right now you are showing her that you do not.

Simple formula to follow:
1. Do not use FIL to attain your goals. Only YOU can do this.
2. NEVER use the kids as a bridge between you are your W. She will see it and it is not fair for the kids.
3. Stay dark for a few days and start learning how to take care of yourself. Start by visiting us often.

I think she is heading towards a deal breaker for me.

Only you can decide this. No one on this board can help you with your boundaries. I know what mine is. Do you?

Your last entry breaks my heart and I know the pain you are under. Felt it with my first W and I remember it vividly. As I read your sitch I realize both of you are acting out of anger, all this is doing is hurting your M and both of you are making poor choices along the way.

Take a deep breathe because even though it feels like it is the world is not ending and you will not die from this. Right now is all about you and those words mean nothing but they will. Welcome to the High Way to Hell. I can promise you two things 3 things

1. You will suffer like you have never suffered before
2. You will meet the most amazing people in the world
3. You will come out a better person regardless

[Truegritter]

Seminole

It is late by my clock here. I will read through your thread and post tomorrow.

You are not alone.

These BITS are great.

Keep us informed.

People will be along to help.

[2stepboogie]

Hey Seminole


You might want to put up your info on the signature so we know a little more about you

[Bolt]

Seminole
This is a great place to get out what you need to get out. It's also good for asking what to do next and even trying things before actually doing them.

There's a bunch of us in varying sitches. I feel for you man and know it hurts real bad.

Try to keep your head up and work on you.

[Seminolewind]

Well I am meeting with a lawyer today. Probably not the best day of my life but everytime I talk to her all she says is please divorce me. On a good note she wants to use the same lawyer so I guess I can make this all work out in my favor.

I am not as bad off as I was over the weekend but I am still hurting very badly. I have read through almost every post on this board in the newcomers section. I can't for the life of me understand how this is happening to all of these people. I would have never imagined my wife could ever have done this. I don't know how this alien took over her body but it has and it is a very ugly person.

We both always said from the beginning that if one of us wanted to cheat that we were to divorce first. Obviously that didn't happen. So as far as the deal breaker. I need some time to think things through. I can't decide this while I am angry at her and maybe if we get divorced and I start moving on with my life my mind will change. I read that a relationship can become stronger after this happens. So I need to think about many things for a while. Maybe I should have divorced her back in October. That is all she wants anyway.

I remember that I am supposed to believe nothing she says and only about 50% of what I see. Some of the things she has said make me think she might be lying about sleeping with this guy. This may be why she is pushing so hard for the divorce. As you know my mind is racing around and I just need everything to slow down for a little while.

I want to thank everyone for looking at my thread and now I can completely relate to the BITS! I feel like I am in the "S" up to my nose!

[zengypsy]

Seminole, I'm sorry to hear that your W has filed for a D. Sounds like she is doing things impulsively and out of anger. She is not thinking clearly at all but part of your 180 is to do something different. Validate what she has said to you when the time is right. Even tho she has had a PA from a women's perpsective, she did it as a big mindf*** to you. Sometimes us women can do really irrational things especially if we are hurt, angry, you don't hear us and feel our backs against the wall.

Keep re-reading DR. Start setting small goal for yourself. Go visit Bolt's thread about small goal setting 101. It's been really helpful at least for me.

My H told me that I was manipulative and selfish. That I never heard him in anything. That one day I was going to be alone. I was in denial for the longest time until I read DR and got in with a great C. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right on all counts.

Listen to what she is telling you from that list. Practicing more of the same will only get you more of the same. When you start making the changes, they will become easier over time. You will be a changed man for yourself and hopefully your W. Moving on still doesn't mean you have to give up. Show her you can be the greener grass.

Hang in there and know that we are here for you. Please keep posting.

[Jason3974]

Seminole-

I'm so sorry to hear what's happened. I've been praying for all marriages, but will put in a special one for you...

Jason

[iwllbd1]

Welcome seminole
People have called this the club that no one wants to be a part of....damn right!! The fact is that we are here, but your still not six feet under and there is still time to make the most of your life. I am speaking from experience. My W was or still is involved in an EA/PA. If you would like to read my thread it is titled Young couple with WAW. These our the darkest days of our lives but we must press on my friend. I have found much comfort here and will continue too. I have always been very stubborn about giving up on anything in my life and I'll be damned if my M will be any different. Read DR, start your 180, LRT, and remember this is your life and you are in control of it. God bless my friend

[FellOnBlackDays]

Hey Seminole,
I did my best to get as many folks as I could over to your call for help as soon as possible. I hope this did help you some. I am sure more will come to your aid as I will ask again tonight for more of the BITS to jump in.

Yes, they are right. This is the club that no one ever, ever wants to join. But, here we are and we must make the best of it or we will die a slow and agonizing emotional death.

Please, please follow what you read here. What I read here when I first joined last fall probably saved my sanity. There are so many folks on here that are "further down the road" than you and I and they can provide insight and guidance that will get you through the lonely nights and days to come. Five months ago, my W walked out, started and EA, and now claims it is over. I am very proud to say that I am still alive, still can have fun and still believe there is a chance that I can save my marriage.

You will get through this, I promise. But, you must follow the advice and guidance you get here. No, you won't always agree with what you are told. But, believe me it works. You have read my sitch, so you have seen first hand how following the instructions handed down in the DR can get you back to a better place with your W.

Remember:

1) Take care of yourself and your children first.
2) Don't spend too much time alone. Go out and GET A LIFE!
3) Don't contact your W. If she wants to be left alone, do it. Right now, she is looking for a whipping boy, don't be that guy. It will only make things worse.
4) Read as much as you can on here. You can learn so much about what to do and what not to do right here for free!
5) Try not to dwell on OM right now. He is not your friend and you should not worry about him. Sounds like your W is lashing out and is definitely not in her right mind.
6) Comb these sitchs to find other examples of crappy behavior of other WAS's. Hell, go look at mine and you will get some great example's of what a WAS will act like at times.
7) When you feel angry, sad or alone, come here and post. These people are great and they will pick you up.
8) Don't be ashamed that there will be times where you will falter and fall down. We all do it. None of here are hardened criminals or Harvard trained head-shrinkers. You are dealing with a woman you once loved more than your own life. This will be hard and you will have days where you will feel great and other days where you will want to die. Again, go read my posts. I am all over the board depending on the day and the alcohol level in my blood at the time of the post.

Sorry you are here, but you are in good hands.

Remember, the only easy day here was yesterday!!!

FOBD