So she called as promised and we made small talk for awhile. Then I said
M”I guess you want your answer huh?”
W “yep. I didn’t forget”
M “I guess I was ignorant and I didn’t realize how much a look can hurt and a word can wound. I wish I had deep words for you but other than I was an a$$hole I’ve got nothing”
W “I know that now and I knew that in the beginning but after awhile not listening to me got to me. It put me in a bad place. I tried fighting the feeling I tried being strong and not letting it affected me I tried to remember that it was just you being you but I couldn’t keep doing it.”
M “I am surprised you lasted that long”
W “It’s not that you are this big horrible person H…….the reason it hurt so much is because I loved you so much there was a day when you were my whole world you were my everything. That is why it hurt so much. When someone you love so much says something negative about you all the time it wears you out. Then you start questioning yourself all the time. When you say it over and over I started to believe something was wrong me. You drove me crazy. Does that make sense?”
M “More than you realize that is the real issue here, it isn’t that you left, that part is stinks, but the real struggle for me came when I understood how I hurt you”
W “You honestly didn’t notice the nights I cried myself to sleep?”
M “No sweetheart, I honestly didn’t. I wish I would have I wish I would not have taken you for granted. I know it’s hard to believe how clueless I was, but I was. I know this kind of pain took a lot of time and it will prob take longer to heal but some people make it and some people don’t I still don’t know which category we will fall into, I guess only God and time really knows but in the meantime I enjoy talking to you very much.”
At this point I switched t he subject to a much lighter topic. We talked about weather and tv shows and I told her I was reading a new book and the first chapter was called ‘What happens to love after the wedding’ I told her I was curious in the end we agree to read the book together.
M “I guess we can make it like I am reading you bedtime stories” W “Ok but not tonight it’s late and I know you have to work tomorrow”
I agreed and just before she hung up she left me with this
W “I enjoy talking to you H but I don’t want you think that we are going to get back together. I don’t know if I can ever give you what you want”
M “I know. Have a good night and I hope you enjoy your day tomorrow”
The entire conversation was about two hours. Ok now I will catch up with everyone because I have been so busy today with a sluggish pc and talking to W that I have neglected my BITS and fellow brethren on the board.
