Just got home from 2 hours of TT followed by 2 hours at a new neighborhood restaurant with Mr. GAG.
Mr. GAG seemed a bit preoccupied and hassled for the first hour of TT, but then started to loosen up a bit because I was playing very well tonight and we were both having fun. It was my day off so I had more energy to play and was playing more offense than normal. I won one of our 5 games but a couple others were quite close.
When Mr. GAG went to the men's room, I slipped a small clear cellophane bag into the breast pocket of his coat. The bag contained 3 chocolate kisses and small blank valentine's card (I had X-MIL write a little message on the note last night: "Mr. GAG, Love always and kisses. Mom"), tied with curly pink and red ribbons. This was my attempt at initiating novelty, one of my goals. I thought that when Mr. GAG found it sometime in the next few days, it would be obvious who had engineered this.
We laughed and talked throughout the games and he gradually seemed to loosen up. I didn't flirt very hard tonight---- just a tiny bit here and there----because he seemed preoccupied........As we walked out to our cars, XH turned to me and said (no warning of this) "So, did you want to go out for a drink?" I said "Sure. I guess you owe me a drink because you won all the games last week." He looked surprised, as though he didn't remember that, which made me think that maybe he really just wanted to go out to a restaurant. I'm not sure about that.....but I think that we might be starting to establish a pattern.........maybe. No expectations, but this is the third time we've gone to a restaurant after TT in the last 5 weeks. I asked "Where?" He said "You decide". Fortunately, earlier in the day I had read an excellent review for a place nearby. Neither one of us had been there before (so this was novel too).
Mr. GAG had dinner and we both had wine. I got him to talk about work and his mother....and he just unloaded. He talked for almost 1 1/2 hours, and as he talked it was reminiscent of the kinds of conversations we used to have when we were M'ed. He seemed to feel better just talking to someone who knew the cast of characters and who was supportive. I validated with him that he had done a wonderful job of finding a good place for his mother to spend her final days. I told him that she seems quite content. I asked if he had told his sister how he feels about her not visiting their mother much when she comes to town to visit. He said that he had talked to his sister about this (this was surprising to me. I was under the impression that he hadn't. I was interested in this because I was under the impression that XH doesn't communicate as clearly as he thinks he does.) XH said that he'd received an e-mail from my sister today (I wasn't aware of that, so that was nice of her). XH asked if his sister had e-mailed me to ask if I want to go to lunch when she comes to town next week. I said that she and I were setting something up.
I told him briefly about what Daniel Amen says about how reduced activity in different areas of the brain as associated with different types of behavior and that different types of food can be helpful in treating these behavioral problems. For example, XH has always liked pasta. I told him that pasta has activity similar to antidepressants in that they both elevate serotonin levels. He actually seemed interested. That was a bit surprising because when he was really an alien he had very little interest in Daniel Amen's work.
He talked about stresses at work (unloaded some stuff) and then pulled out his iPad (I pulled mine out too) and started showing me his apps and we talked about the iPads a bit. When it was time to pay the bill XH reached into his breast pocket for his credit card and found the cellophane package with the chocolate kisses. He was quite surprised and said "Is this a Valentine's gift?" I said "It's not what you think. You should open it." He was pleasantly surprised to see what was inside and promptly ate the chocolate kisses.
Dinner was good and at the end of the conversation I told XH the results of my tree test. He was very supportive, said he really thought I should try to save the tree and offered suggestions. Interesting. He was really being supportive. I told him that I hadn't thought of the things he suggested and thanked him for his ideas.
At the very end of our conversation, just before we stood to walk out of the restaurant, I could see a "look" in Mr. GAG's eyes that to me seemed to be a look of deep appreciation and connection. That was a very good moment, even though it wasn't laden with sexual tension. That look told me that at least on some level he "gets" and appreciates what I have done for him over the past several months.
He lingered a little bit as we were leaving the restaurant, looking at some of the special offers they had posted (so NOT in a rush). Then just before we walked out into the freezing cold, I leaned into him, kissed him on the cheek, and we hugged............I'm thinking that if this keeps up, there may be more opportunities for interactions once the cold weather doesn't force us to our cars right away.
My overall sense this evening is that XH still seems different than the man I used to know, but he does seem as though he is becoming more cognitively and emotionally like that person.
