wife planning long term separation

[FellOnBlackDays]

Shaves,
You have to park those feelings and emotions for right now. Look, I know what you are going through. A couple of weeks ago during the Saturday when my W and I were packing the kitchen, she bent over and I could see down her shirt. I am a man, so I looked. All of a sudden I became overwhelmed with the thoughts that I may never touch her again, I may never be sexual with her again and I may never make love her again, which I enjoyed very much. Those feelings almost made me backslide right there in the kitchen. I started feeling like I needed to start up a talk about the R, but I stopped myself. And, you will need to do the same. Right now those feelings will do you no good. Let them go or put them somewhere for now. OK? You have to for now.

I want to share something with you right now that you might find helpful when dealing with your guilt about being OK with her moving. When my father was close to death (he died very slowly and painfully from a four year bout with cancer), we starting working with a hospice group and their counselors. They explained to me and my mother that we should expect to go through a period shortly after his death where we are going to find ourselves unexpectedly happy. We were both completely puzzled as to why we would be happy. They went on to explain that we would experience a period of happiness because we will realize that after his death, the pain and suffering and constant fumbling around "in the dark" will be over. They told me that after spending so many months watching him suffer, I will find some relief in his death because I would not have to watch him suffer any longer. They were right.

Same goes here. You and your W have been struggling so much that your home and your marriage is no longer a healthy place to be. It is, unfortunately, a very negative place to be. So, the thoughts that you are about to get out of this crappy environment is pleasing to you. My friend, there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. The suffering is about to have it's first intermission. Just be aware, the good feelings will fade quickly once the reality sets in. But, for now, don't deny yourself the relief that you are feeling. It is good for you right now.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD