Is the tide turning???????

[goodattitudegirl]

Thanks for the attagirls and feedback about my interactions with XH after last week's TT game. Kitty and I spent a couple hours at X-MIL's last night. I finished her bday present and gave it to her last night. It turned out VERY well considering I had no pattern. Her wheelchair now looks like it's upholstered with faux sheep skin, even the arm rests. It should add to her comfort I think.

I guess I did not realize that BMF was also single....I would think that one of the reasons BMF is less than friendly towards you is that you are threatening the status of his "single buddy".

Yes, Missher. BMF has been single since the mid-90’s. He left his W about the same time XH D’ed his first W. I have always thought the dynamic you referred to above was in play. When I told my sister that BMF was at X-MIL’s birthday party and that he was glaring at me, my sister said “He much be quite annoyed. He thinks he just got rid of GF#2 and here you are obviously back in Mr. GAG’s life”.

This is the second time that I can remember that your XH is trying to explain to you who he is talking to or communicating with......Think about this........ Does he really want you to know who he talking to?????? NOPE Rather he is communicating "who he isn't talking to" (meaning GF#2)

I agree. I have also been thinking about why XH plays TT with me. I think our weekly TT games has more to do with him wanting to remain in my life than the actual competition. XH is a MUCH better racquet sport player than I am by far so I don’t really pose any challenge to him……..I was at a clinic party a week ago and one of the husbands was talking about how when he first wanted to date hi now W, he invited her to play golf with him on a regular basis. He said that he really wasn’t interested in playing golf with her. He just wanted to spend time with her…..When I heard this, something clicked in my brain. I think this I XH wanting to stay in touch with me.

Not sure if he was "panicked" because he continued to chat, I would say that you communicated that you want more and he "heard" it. He is probably processing that right now. think that if he keeps up the communication that would be a good indication that he is not "panicked" or scared or anything else. I would do just as you did last week and let him initiate contact …..

Thanks for this masculine feedback, Missher. Well………..I didn’t contact XH after the TT game, but on Monday XH e-mailed my sister and me a one line e-mail about a new TV show. I didn’t reply, thinking I would wait 24 hours,………. then before I could reply this morning I received a 2nd e-mail (a funny, jokey e-mail (not personal)) also addressed to both my sister and me. Interesting……….I replied, telling XH that I had bought an iPad. He wrote “Apple is rife with apps….I'll have to show you mine. Take an evening and just roll through them…..” I’ll bring the iPad with me this evening and see what happens.

When you guys are together again whether it be for TT or something else, I would give him a "hello" hug, stoke the fire a little for the time you are together,….

I will do this ^^^^^^^^^^ this evening at TT.

Listening to Gary Chapman’s audiobook has made me think about how focused I was on myself in my R with H. This happened because I have lived away from my family for 35 years and have always had to be self-reliant. I’ve been through some very tough times and always felt I was living without a safety net.

I think it was a positive that you mentioned to XH that if he won he would have to buy you a drink. BUT...it was a negative that you told him you already had picked out a restaurant. It was a further negative that he told you he had already been there and he didn't like it. It should have been left that the drink would not have a schedule or timetable. It was pursuing in appearance to him that you had picked out the place and implied it would be last night after TT. XH was setting a boundary with you by telling you that he A) didn't like that place and B) couldn't do it last night. IMO the message was that he's not ready for too much interaction with you. BTW, this comes direct from my own experiences with my H.

Sanderika, thank you VERY much for this feedback. I agree wholeheartedly that this was only real slightly uncomfortable point in the evening. Your summary above helped me to put this into perspective. I agree with what you wrote. THANK YOU!!! I appreciate your constructive criticism.

I think you are going to experience a back and forth sort of speak with how we perceive the interactions you are having. I think you are doing really well and XH is thinking about you more and more. Please do not have expectations……..Basically just be grateful for "what is" right now and "go with it"....

Thanks CW, Mila, and Rabbit for your encouragement too.

every time you interact with him you learn something and the pieces of the puzzle will come together eventually...

Mila, this is SO true.

Well……it’s almost TT time. I’m out the door in a few minutes. I’ll post a debrief when I get home if it’s not too late.

GAG